dailyscribble

Prosedur beli emas di Logam Mulia Antam Jakarta

2012-01-10T09:09:00.008+01:00

Salah satu resiko menjadi orang dewasa adalah : harus realistis memikirkan uang dan masa depan.

Money, and everything related to it, has always been an icky subject for me.
But as an adult,- hopefully a responsible one at that - , I need it anyway to live and to secure my future.
And for that I need to learn stuffs about it...

Saving and investments are some of the key points in managing money well.
And as the story has it, I finally found myself in the path that have been taken by our ancestors ever since the beginning of civilization... saving in gold.

And here's an excerpt of my small adventure in buying gold at Logam Mulia Antam Jakarta. May this info be beneficial for anyone who might need it.

(Data per akhir Desember 2011)

Datang pagi!
Pukul 07.00 : Antrian mulai diterima

Kami berangkat dari rumah jam 6.15 (plannya jam 6 sebenernya :D) dan sampai di antam sekitar jam 7.15an, antrian sudah panjaaaang.
Kami mendapatkan nomer 72, setelah kami antrian masih panjaaang juga, tapi petugas lalu memotong sampai urutan 100 karena hari itu hanya 100 orang dalam antrian yg diperbolehkan (hari normal 150 orang).

Pada saat sampai giliran antrian akan ada body search singkat, kemudian pembeli diharap menunjukkan ktp dan mengisi formulir singkat.

Pukul 08.00 : 100 orang dalam antrian yg sudah mendaftar tadi dipanggil namanya satu-persatu dan diberi lembar antrian.

KTP harus diserahkan pada pos keamanan ini sebagai jaminan.

Setelah membawa lembar antrian, jalan ke gedung utama pembeliannya.
Dari pos satpam jalan terus lalu ikuti jalan ke kiri. Nanti ada gedungnya di kanan, semua orang lain kesana juga, jadi gampang.
Ruangnya kecil, ada dua ruangan. Ada cukup banyak tempat duduk, dan ada dispenser aqua dan nescafe gratis. Di ruang yg sebelah kiri agak lebih sejuk dan ada TV untuk yg bosan :D

Pukul 09.00 : Harga hari itu, jumlah stok yg tersedia, dan jumlah maksimal pembelian per item dipublish di meja informasi dan layar informasi. Nomor urutan mulai dipanggil. (Pada prakteknya waktu saya datang dilakukan pukul 8.45)

Pendaftaran order : Bagian 1A, 2A, 3A di ruang sebelah kiri
Bila ada kartu identitas lain: SIM, NPWP, dll dapat ditunjukkan disini.
Kalau tidak, dapat mengisi form saja : Nama, No. Telp, dan Alamat rumah.
Informasikan disini apa saja yg akan dibeli, dan bagaimana hendak membayarnya (transfer/ debit/ cash)

Dari bagian ini akan diberikan faktur dan nomor antrian baru untuk pembayaran.
Tunggu nomor tersebut dipanggil untuk melakukan pembayaran.

Pembayaran: Bagian 5D, di ruang sebelah kanan,
Jelaskan bagaimana akan melakukan pembayaran.
Bila via transfer, ada mesin ATM Mandiri di sebelah kanan bagian ini. Untuk debit bisa dilakukan langsung disini, juga via cash.
Setelah pembayaran selesai faktur akan dikembalikan setelah dicap "Lunas" dan kita diberikan tanda pembayaran (slip debit dll).

Bapak yg bertugas di bagian ini ramah sekali dan tidak habis senyumnya dari pagi sampai siang :D

Pengambilan barang : Bagian 6, 7, ruang sebelah kiri, seberang 1A, 2A, 3A bukan berupa meja tapi 2 pintu ruang tertutup.

Setelah melakukan pembayaran langsung masuk salah satu ruangan 6 atau 7 yg sedang tidak melayani pembeli dan serahkan faktur dan bukti pembayaran yg sudah diterima. Sebagai gantinya kita akan diberikan nomor baru, kali ini berupa lempengan plastik bagus, bukan nomor kertas. Akan tetapi kita akan dipanggil menggunakan nama lengkap, bukan menggunakan nomor ini.

Setelah dipanggil, barang akan diserahkan.
Cek barangnya, cek sertifikatnya.
Cek bahwa nomer sertifikat sama dengan nomer pada lempengan emas.
Simpan dengan aman sebelum keluar dari ruangan 6 atau 7 ini.

Keluar dari gedung, kembalikan kertas antrian yg diberikan di awal di pos satpam untuk menerima kembali KTP.

Selesai :)

Ps.1. Harga toko emas bisa lebih murah daripada antam. Untuk meyakinkan bahwa akan diperoleh harga terbaik bisa dilakukan dengan menunggu publish harga antam (jam 9.00) kemudian mengecek via telpon ke toko-toko emas. Info toko-toko emas di thread kaskus ini bisa dijadikan acuan.

Ps.2. Thread diskusi emas tersebut cukup informatif juga dibaca untuk info-info aktual dalam hal investasi dalam bentuk emas.

Reasons not to grow your nails long and wear nail polish

2012-01-08T21:12:00.009+01:00

Aside from the sanitary concerns and the fact that it would interfere with ablution process:

- They take lots of time to apply!!

You need to have the following layers in a proper and healthy application of nail polish:
1. Base coat : to protect your nails from the chemical in the nail polish
2. The nail polish : Depending on the color of the nail polish you might need 1 or 2 layers of this.
(2. b) Ornament nail polish : I used glitter nail polish to add some sparkling elements to my nails.
3. Top coat : This will coat your overall nail polish. It provides you with the desired finish (matte, shiny, etc), smooth the nails (glitter nail polish left you with gritty texture in your nails) and strengthen them: protect your nail polish from chipping.

- (And when you do have lots of time to spare) They are super duper hard to apply!

The bad case of failure in applying nail polish :

The nail polish in my index finger was finally cleaned and removed as they crumpled @_@
My mistakes :
1. Applying the nail polish too thick
2. Applying them in non-uniform layer
3. Not waiting for each layer to dry up first before applying the next one

These mistakes caused the nail polish to build up on the nail edges as a soft, thick tissue of nail polish. They don't really stick firmly to the nails and crumpled upon contact with hard objects. The example of such failure can be seen on the tip of my middle finger and ring finger nails.

The only success in that picture happened to my little finger nail. I only applied one layer of color and since it's small everything dries up properly before I applied the next layer.

I found when you are using transparent nail polish you could save yourself from some of those hassle though. You'll still need to wait each layer to dry out but at least you need not to worry about applying the next layer to even out the color or to make sure that it has been applied uniformly.

- They interfere with cooking and daily chores

I'll consider wearing my nail polish later when I'm in Indo at my parents home where I have no need to do any household chores at all.

- Eating with ur hands doesn't really feel right.

Yeah, I suppose this is why wearing nail polish aren't exactly something in our Indonesian traditional culture (excluding using henna/"pacar"). We enjoy eating with our bare hands!

- They got stuck between keyboard keys.

And considering what I do, this is likely the main reason I'll never grow my nails long and wear nail polish ever again.

Anyway, having ventured myself the area of prettifying your nails using nail polish, I now could appreciate more all the girls (and boys?) who managed to keep their nails all pretty and lacquered. All those time and efforts... beauty is pain!

Winter woe

2012-01-04T08:55:00.002+01:00

Eating during the winter is a race with time...
Devour it fast or you'll have to resort to enjoying your cold food.

Fasting and periods

2011-12-01T14:38:00.004+01:00

I was fasting when a friend asked me how come I didn't have any lunch that day.
So I explained that I was fasting. Which lead him to think that it's Ramadhan now.
I explained no, but indeed I'm fasting to replace the fasting days I missed during Ramadhan. Because fasting the whole month in Ramadhan is obligatory, but women on period are exempted from it.

He then promptly interjected, "Oh, so you can deal with your mood swings and all the food cravings?"
I spontaneously laughed and said, yeah, we are treated very specially like that in our religion xD

And only then it was dawning on me...
yeah, we, women, do get treated very specially =')

Back then in my middle school I've always got the explanation on why women are exempted from prayers and fasting based on the notion of the impure state we have with all the menstruation blood.

But menstruation is something normal and healthy.
And I think there are much more to be learnt on the reasoning behind Islam's rules
rather than the plain stamping of women as in impure state during that period.

I think I will need to study more about this.
But I know one thing for sure, God loves me,
I'm given all the privilege to deal with all the pain, mood swings and food cravings that I have during my periods,

and i love You so very much too, my dear God, the Almighty.

Signs of winter coming

2011-11-16T16:19:00.002+01:00

Growing up in a country with 2 seasons, it's not really automatic for me to adapt to the changing of season in this 4 seasons country.

Just imitating people is not easy, since what's warm for them is cold for me.
So people usually will already be wearing their summer clothes while I'd still be bundled in my layers of clothes.

Then, when they finally wear some layers of clothes, I'd already need even my outer jacket to stay with me even though I'm working indoor.

It's not so bad though, when the change is from winter/spring to summer.
I'd just need to try taking off my jacket, and if I survive,
or if I'm sweating wearing it instead, then it's summer.

Yet, for winter, it's not so obvious, since people would still be happily looking like they are wearing light clothes unless it's snowing already.

So, mental notes for me :
- When you notice the grasses are frozen in the morning
- When 5 minutes waiting the bus feels like forever since your toes are just frozen inside your canvas shoes
- When your hands and lips cracked up from the dry, dry, cold wind
- When dzuhur, ashar, and maghrib and even isha prayers are all done within the range of less than 6 hours.

It's definitely time to buckle up and unpack all the layers of winter clothes.
Snow shoes, thick socks, gloves, head warmer, hand/body lotion, lip balms, are must-haves!

Friend

2011-11-15T08:50:00.003+01:00

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you've forgotten the words

But, what if the words were meant to be forgotten?

With everything changes, desperate times sometime call for desperate measures..
Flashbacks and nostalgia are all well and nice, but they don't serve the purpose to toughen you up.
They provide comfort and are heart warming.
But reminiscing on them, all the while trying to stay strong and keep on fighting the day,...
realizing how much you've changed...
could be bitter.

or maybe... I was just being bitter.

Name

2011-11-11T12:01:00.004+01:00

What's in the name? that which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet;
-shakespeare, romeo and juliet

Or so I thought.

My name doesn't have any particular meaning.
At least that's the information I got from my dad.

I have always been very proud about it though. While this excluded me during my childhood from my friends' brag-fest on whose name has the greatest meaning, I always take comfort in thinking that this unique name of mine gives me the freedom to be whatever I want to be. It lets me define the meaning of the name itself, rather than having it defines who I am supposed to be.

My last name isn't inherited from my family name either, and each of us in our family, has different last names.

I'm very proud of it too. I think it's the best thing you can give to the next generation. No family name, no burdening name. Just let them be whatever they want

Last Eid'ul Adha this belief is a bit shaken though.

As I made new acquaintances to other muslimah around me, I noticed how proud they were when they introduced their name: Fatima, Khadijah, ...

And for the first time I felt a bit inferior...
for not having such pretty names that defines my Islam identity...

Then few days ago I had a brief encounter with a fellow Muslim student that I just met.

After a bit of chitchat he asked for my name. I immediately told him my name while asking for his name too.

He seemed confused though, and asked again for my name.
I just repeated my answer since maybe he couldn't get it.

Still seemed confused, finally he asked: what's your full name?
Although I found it odd, I finally told him both my first name and last name.

A look of relief then shown in his face after hearing my last name.
And he explained he kept on asking it since he knows I must be a muslim, and that he, too, is a muslim, from Bangladesh, before then mentioning his name proudly.

His name means the praiseworthy God's witness in Arabic.

So, ...apparently in some community people do expect you to have a muslim name if you're a Muslim.

ps. I feel touched though. I'm reminded: I do have muslim identity in my last name.
The holy month in Islam on which I was born. And I'm super proud of it :)

K-pop/rock!

2011-11-04T13:13:00.004+01:00

Under the piles of all the bubbles and glitters of kpop songs/artists, I found a gem today!

What would you get when you cross GnR/Metallica with DDR and Kpop?

It's NORAZO!

It's such a pity that for us the non-korean we have to rely on the translation to fully appreciate their songs. Because aside from the upbeat rock songs, the hilarious lyrics behind them are their highlight. Not to mention the funny dance! I know I'd be using the superman dance for my morning sport xP

And I'd like to say more about Lee Hyuk, one member of this duo Jo Bin and Lee Hyuk that made up Norano. With his awesome voice that hits high notes effortlessly, the manly facial hair, rock style hair and apparel, now that's a male singer I can deem as eye candy!
Finally now we're talking, Kpop!

I know now whose name I'd say if my Kpop lover cousins ask me who's my fav male kpop idol. Lee Hyuk! Kyaaaaaa! xD

Adeguato

2011-10-18T10:02:00.003+02:00

You know you're a desperate-over-achiever wannabe if it bugs you very much that you got a result : Adequate.

"Uhhh, whaaaa? Why are my cells only in adequate state, not a perfect state?" D:

*reaction when receiving some medical test result*

About trying to conceive

2011-10-13T15:38:00.004+02:00

I somehow stumbled upon a thread in certain female forum in which the ladies were sharing their stories during their program to conceive. It is Indonesian forum, and mostly the (sad) stories were on how they were pressured from not just families, but everyone in their community. Being constantly questioned on when are they going to have a baby/ why don't they have a baby, criticized for their lifestyle, work etc that "presumably" might cause the lack of baby thereof.

Indonesian has this kind of "friendly" habit to ask someone :
(when you're a student) "when are you going to graduate?"
(when you're graduated) "when are you going to get married?"
(when you're married) "when are you going to have a baby?"
(when you already have a baby) "when are you going to give a brother/sister to ?"

I suppose it's just some kind of chitchat habit. A mean to strike a conversation for us the-ever-friendly Indonesian people. Yet, such topic might hit too close to home for some. Especially when they are indeed concerned about the matter.

Most of them were stressing out over this, and that certainly does nothing positive in helping them conceive. Many then opted out to move out from their parents/family vicinity. And on some, that proved to be a successful strategy in finally conceiving a baby, when they are all under no such peer-pressure.

Reading the thread, I suppose I should feel grateful that I'm not in Indonesia and definitely not under such peer-pressure from my family. So, thankfully I can just mind my own consideration regarding this matter of having the next generation (well, of course my husband's consideration matters too, but he leaves everything up to me, so :P)

I am in no hurry to have a kid. I especially want to be fully prepared when I do have a baby. Thus, so far I want to
1) finish my study,
2) get a stable work,
3) get a stable environment with supports for the baby
4) be fully prepared financially, emotionally, and everything-ly for all the baby's needs.

My plans seem like something that's a bit far in the future to be achieved though.
I talked to my mom, and she noted that sometimes I worry too much about everything. Sure, everything needs to be planned. Yet, that doesn't mean I need to worry too much about achieving all the plans. There's Someone who'd deal with that. All we need to do is doing our best.

And so, she gently always nudged me to not being so rigid to my plan. That in fact I could achieve the steps in parallel as compared to do the steps sequentially.

I understand her point, the biological clock does keep on ticking.
I heard that it's best to have your first child when you're under 30.
And.. I do love to be able to play with my kid in the future. Having a DDR competition with my kid(s) sound fun! Yet, if I'm too old to even jump when they are teenagers, how am I supposed to jump with them?

So, I visited my general practitioner yesterday.
And I got my answers :

- I'm 28, and she thinks that's young. It's super OK if I want to have a baby now or in few years ahead. It's part of woman normal biological cycle and everything will go just smoothly whenever I want to have a baby. After the age 35 (not 30!) there will be certain precautions that might have to be taken, but still it will be just fine. There are plenty babies that were born when their mother was 35 years or older and they are all just healthy and happy, she assured me :D

- She prescribed vitamins for folic acid that should be taken from 1-2 months before planning to conceive the baby. Talk about preparation and planning!

- She prescribed some blood test and pap test to be taken by me before conceiving. The tests can be taken now even though I might plan to have the baby in a year or so. It consists of toxo tests, HIV, rubella, etc etc (will write down the list later). The tests are completely free, fully supported by Italian government. The future father should have such test too, also free.

And so, that's one weight off my chest. I think my plan still be right on track then, even when it's done sequentially.

I'm super glad to know that everything does happen through planning here. The blood tests first, then the vitamins 1-2 months ahead the conceiving plan? I never really knew that.

When I asked about do I need blood test for toxoplasma etc. my mom even said no one in our families ever had such blood test and everything just happened normally and smoothly with all of us :D

Well of course I do want everything to be just normal and smooth, with or without the test. But I'd like to know that I've taken all the necessary precautions and be fully prepared for everything.

And that all of the plannings are fully supported by the government, that's just awesome! I hope someday Indonesian's healthcare plan will have this kind of support too.

Ramadhan

2011-08-10T17:21:00.000+02:00

A very good read.

Tentang rasa tomat..

2011-08-08T13:56:00.008+02:00

Sebuah percakapan di pagi yang sangat cerah di musim (yang sering terlalu) panas ini dengan seorang kenalan.

Ia adalah seorang ibu separuh baya dari Romania yg telah berpuluh tahun hidup disini. Jadwal bus yg sama tiap pagi mengawali perkenalan kami. Pada jam yg sama ia harus mengawali kerjanya di rumah sakit panti jompo beberapa meter dari kampusku. Dan semenjak ritual pertukaran senyum kami setiap pagi kuakhiri dengan sebuah perkenalan nekat dengan bahasa itali seadanya, pagi kami, ketika kami beruntung dapat bertemu, selalu dihiasi dengan percakapan pendek pengisi waktu.

Pagi ini topik kami adalah mengenai liburan musim panas.

Setelah 4 tahun lamanya tak pulang, tahun ini ia akan mengambil 2 minggu libur untuk menjenguk ibunya, dan tinggal di rumah putrinya yg sudah berkeluarga di Romania.

Komentarku mengenai kawan apartemen lamaku dulu dari Romania yg selalu berbekal daging awetan khas Romania membuatnya bercerita mengenai kecintaannya pada makanan Romania. Ia bercerita tentang betapa semua jauh lebih bercitarasa, segar, dan lebih segala-galanya dibanding Italia; suatu hal yang mengejutkan bagiku yg sangat terbiasa mendengar betapa orang menyanjung-nyanjung semua hasil bumi dan makanan Italia. Ia bercerita tentang rasa tomat yg segar, yang tidak dipanen pada malam hari sebagaimana di Italia. Tentang makanannya yang jauh lebih bercita rasa dan membuatnya amat sulit beradaptasi pada masa awal ia memulai hidup di Italia. Tentang semua hal yg lebih baik kecuali nomimal pendapatan dari pekerjaan disana... hal yang membuat ia sekeluarga memutuskan berpindah ke Italia.

Dan aku terkenang pada tanah airku, yang dalam hal kuliner sangat kubanggakan tiada tara. Akan tetapi menurutku adalah lumrah kuliner Indonesia kuanggap juara dibanding Italia. Dengan segala kekayaan rempah dan hasil bumi Indonesia, yg juga membuat kita terjajah, adalah sewajarnya kita memiliki budaya kuliner yang jauh lebih beragam dibanding negara-negara Eropa.

Oleh karena itu klaim ibu itu mengenai superioritas kuliner Romania, yg notabene negara Eropa juga, kuiyakan dengan skeptisme...

Akan tetapi kemudian kusadari...
Tanah air, bagi setiap orang memiliki romantisme tersendiri.
Rasa tomat Romania mungkin tidak sebanding dengan rasa tomat Roma bila diujikan pada panel internasional. Mengingat tomat Italia, khususnya San Marzano sering sekali disebut-sebut sebagai tomat terbaik di dunia.
Walaupun, boleh jadi, tomat Romania memang benar jauh lebih enak, hanya belum banyak yg mengetahuinya.

Apapun itu... rasa adalah hal yang subjektif.
Dan rasa tomat Romania bagi ibu itu telah dibalut dengan semua nostalgia dan kenangan mengenai tanah airnya, tentu saja tak mungkin ditandingi tomat terbaik dari Roma pun.

Bagiku pun... tidak ada makanan Itali yang bisa kukatakan paling enak. Bahkan juga makanan Indonesia. Karena yg paling enak adalah makanan (buatan) ibuku, apalagi yg langsung disuapkan langsung dari tangannya ketika anak-anaknya yg sudah besar ini dengan manja menginterupsi sesi makan beliau. Rasanya... tak tertandingi :)

화이팅! Hwaiting!*

2011-08-04T12:36:00.008+02:00

I've been in a slump the past weeks (even months...)
now that I realize it, I have even rather abandoned this blog.
That says something about the indicator of my level of happiness I guess?

I'm supposed to complete my research soon, and I've been very much expecting to finally conclude this phase of my life and moving on.

Yet, every approach I made in any directions seems to just again and again hit the wall.

Stuck, stuck and stuck, repeat that in a recursion without any base case, and that's what I've been experiencing with my research.
Such is the life of a researcher I guess, just as my Prof. said, if it isn't hard there's no need for a research for it anyway *cue for a sad laugh*

Few days ago my friend talked about "The Secret". Self-help book and movie that motivates people to envision their dreams and goals, and proclaims that that's the secret to achieving anything that you want.

To be brutally honest, I don't believe in any self-help methods.

I think they all are there to state the obvious: that everything is inside you, and if you believe it and do your best, you can do it!

After all, it's in my religion.
It's sunnatullah, when you want something very much and work very hard for it, you'll achieve it.
Man jadda wa jadda as conveyed by the novel "Lima Menara"
It's the alchemist secret as written by Paulo Coelho.

And such is my view to this self-help method that my friend explained to me.
She motivated me to use this method to envision my PhD completion.

I just smiled,
but I did my thinking...
when I take a look at myself,
..before I realize it apparently I've already lost my view of my goal...
Deep down I somehow already held no belief and hope with the future of this research..

While that's not the reason I'm stuck...
that's the reason I'm in a slump.

Before I realized it I've lost my trust in myself to be able to do well, to stay positive and keep on fighting.

And... just as a final concluding scene usually accompanied by a memorable sound track,
somehow today I found myself checking kpop news and stumbled into news of Super Junior's new music video for it's new album, Mr.Simple(I really love the jazzy beginning. Was somehow hoping that the song would continue like that, it would be awesome!).
And here's Mr.Simple lyrics translated.

Unlike the usual kpop lyrics that I found not making any sense sometimes, this one just hits close to home in more than one way.

It’s just that my personality goes good then bad, so what! There must be times when my performance goes up then down too
It’s okay, it’s also good to rest then keep going, because everything has its time

it's okay, dear myself, it's okay!

Let’s go, let’s go, let’s hurry and go, let’s go back when we are blocked. If it’s too troublesome you feel like dying, just for today let’s play first
Anyway when this harsh world runs like hell, I’m the only one that is worn out. Just wait, just save it, because your day will come soon

Yesh, my time and day will come soon! When I can finally graduate! *crossing fingers*

We are living in this world where annoying things aren’t just one or two, know that too
What is so hard about this? We just have to eat well, sleep well and do well too, that will do

yeah... after all it's just that simple... what else can I do anyway?

If you’re mad, go meet your friend and release it by talking behind their backs (Alright!) Alright
If you’re distressed, sing a song, scream out loud and blow it away (Alright!) Alright, Alright

Well... talking behind their backs, not okay... good for me it's not people that I'm mad of :D
But, hell yeah, I sure always and will scream it out loud when I sing to release my stress!
(Unfortunately, not with Super Junior songs though, rage screams don't seem to fit well with dance and ballad songs I think? xD)

So yeah, I'll keep it simple! What is so hard about this? I'll just have to eat well, sleep well and do well too, that will do!

I pride myself in taking KPOP like a grown up: level headed, objective, and appreciative yet not anywhere near any KPOP dedicated fangirl .
But for this one:
Kyaaaaaaa, SuJu!!!!!! xD
Thank you so much for the perfect timed release of this song!

Hwaitinggggg!

*Hwaiting is Korean-English way to say fighting, to cheer up and motivate people :D

edit : ok, after some more thoughts and the euphoria has passed :
- the lyrics of that songs indeed are still weird at certain points,
- the song itself isn't as catchy as bonamana or sorry sorry,
- the moves aren't very much new, the signature move from sorry sorry is repeated (as a tribute I suppose?)
I still love the lyrics though, that's all my criticism to make the song review balanced I guess :D

wtf song of the day

2011-07-14T16:23:00.003+02:00

So I found myself listening to some much hyped Avenged Sevenfold songs lately.
They aren't popular yet during my high school era, so I just somehow managed to listen to them now.
And while some of their songs with too much growling and screaming disinterest me, I found some nice melodic songs too.
Some with orchestra style arrangement that reminds me of GnR or dream theather (Interestingly enough at some point the ex-drummer of dream theater did indeed play with them).

And as I was enjoying my new found coding sound accompaniment,
some of the lyrics somehow made through my brain... and as I come to understand the lyrics... I started to raise my eyebrows

the song

the lyrics

How psychotic should you be to be able to imagine and write such lyrics? o_O

*disclaimer : I don't really know anything abt music actually, so please ignore if what I'm saying doesn't make any sense :D*

Of hardworking foreigners

2011-07-06T14:22:00.005+02:00

My beloved mom, who might have got the idea of "bule" or foreigners from movies and stories, somehow believed that no foreigners do any hard work.
And amazingly during her 11 days trip visiting us in Europe, no hard working foreigners were in sight. We saw vineyards, farms, factories along our trips, but none of the farmer or any hard working Italian was in sight :D

So, I told her a story about a hard working woman that I know.

Once in a blue moon I decided to ride the early bus to go to my university. It was around 7 in the morning or something.

Morning buses are notorious for being fully packed with students and people in general. I was lucky that I managed to squeeze myself in a corner of that fully packed bus. After the bus picked more people on one of the stops along the way, someone poked me from the back and said, "Ciao, bambina!" (= Hi, kid!)

At first I didn't really recognize her. I always saw her in her light green uniform before. But finally I recognized that she was the cleaning lady in my office, which I featured in this story and this.

I greeted her, and we exchanged courtesies. Since I never saw her getting on the bus from that stop, I asked if she lives in that area.
She told me no, she just finished a job, and now going for another job.
I was amazed. It was quite early in the morning. I was just about to start my work, and she had finished a job already?

I asked her what time did she start her work? She answered, at 5.30.
Seeing that I always see her cleaning up my office when I'm staying late, which is around 8 PM or so, it means she works almost around the clock!

Wow.

To the astonished expression I had on my face she just responded with a shrug,
"Well, that's work."
Shortly the bus arrived in another bus stop and she excused herself to go for her other work.

And, that, my friend, is one hard working Italian lady.

Hot hot summer with veil

2011-05-23T11:42:00.009+02:00

Summer is here!
Hot hot hot sunny day, and hot short night is coming.

On another note though, it's been twice already that I got commented about my veil by two different old Italian ladies.

Maybe it was because what I wear were of course strikingly different compared to the short sleeved, short skirts/dress/shorts that everyone else was wearing.

They commented on why should I wear such kind of clothes?
It will be much fresher for my head and hair in such weather to leave the head uncovered.

At first I received such comment as... some kind of a criticism to my religion which I hold up high.

But then, after some humbling thoughts.. maybe they just meant well.

They pitied me for having to experience the hot weather under such fully-covering garment.

What they didn't understand is that :
I actually would even lengthen my sleeves if I could so I can cover my fingers from the scorching hot sun :D

Now that I think of it, I somehow thought the same thing too back then in Indonesia when I saw people with niqab. It's such a different notion now that I put myself in those italian women' shoes.

On the thought of covering up though, cotton isn't produced here in Europe as far as I know. Unlike us Indonesian who could enjoy soft, comfortable and cooling sensation when we wear batik fabrics, clothing up here is usually analogous with the thought to make yourself warm. As such, the concept of having cool fabrics to protect you from the sun isn't as well known as the concept of "bare yourself as much as you can so you'll allow the skin to breathe under the sun".

And also maybe because they enjoy having tan skin as much as we enjoy fair skin :D

Well, everyone is entitled to his/her opinion I suppose.

Belajar untuk membagi waktu dan memaklumi ketidaksempurnaan

2011-03-10T09:58:00.003+01:00

Akhir-akhir ini sedang belajar bagaimana mulai menimbang-nimbang kerjaan dengan power yang ada.

Ternyata mulai kerasa kalo semua pengen ditanganin sendiri gempor juga.

Ibuku tersayang yang begitu mengenal anaknya ini lalu memberikan nasihatnya:
pengen semuanya perfek, bagus sih,
tapi sudah menikah harus mulai bisa membagi-bagi tenaga,
sebagian untuk keluarga, sebagian untuk suami, sebagian untuk diri sendiri.
Nanti kalau udah punya anak juga harus dibagi lagi waktu untuk anak.

Saya pun bertanya, gmn mbaginya?
Ya, ngga persis sepertiga sepertiga, nanti akan ketahuan kok porsinya.

Akhir-akhir ini saya mulai mempraktekkan nasihat ibu saya tersebut.

Mengerjakan apa yang saya bisa dengan tenaga dan waktu saya, mulai mencoba minta bantuan orang lain untuk meringankan kerjaan, mencoba memprioritaskan kerjaan.

Ternyata membiarkan orang lain membantu kita itu cukup menyenangkan :D
Ternyata suatu kerjaan yang kayanya beraaat banget, tidak berat-berat amat kalau dikerjakan tidak sendiri.

Tapi saya juga belajar, tidak lalu semua selesai sesuai standar saya.
Mau diturutin kemauan saya mengerjakan semua sendiri dengan cara saya dan standar saya juga bisa, tapi akhirnya molor-molor banyak yang tertunda, saya gempor, kecapekan, jadi ngga hepi ending juga kan ya..

Akhirnya ya harus belajar prioritas....kompromi...

Don't sweat the small stuff,
ga perfect dikit gpp lah, di kerjaan, di rumah,
lantai ngga licin berkilau tiap hari gpp lah,
makan telor ceplok aja sekali-sekali walo berasa kaya anak kos kembali juga gpp deh, daripada gempor akhirnya ga ada yg selesai?

Hidup ini ternyata benar-benar membutuhkan kompromi ya...
dan saya ternyata baru belajar kompromi sekarang, kemana aja saya selama ini? :D

rules: inconvenience and leniency

2011-03-02T10:47:00.010+01:00

I read the news about David Tobing suing the government and PSSI (and NIKE?) for our country's Garuda emblem abuse.

The intention of the action could be good,
after all I don't really want to have our beloved Garuda become just a mere picture that could be randomly located on just any fashion whims. Geri Haliwell's union jack dress might be deemed iconic, but I don't think I want Garuda to be immortalized that way.

But then again, in this particular case the particular Garuda emblem was worn with pride for Indonesian team to go in an international event. And I can't help noticing how that has spurred our sense of nationalism during that event(even though of course this is just what I viewed from afar, based on my mom's report and things I read :D).

Indeed in almost every cases there are always 2 sides of a coin.
Humane rules always have some unnecessary inconvenience.

I live in a rather secluded area, but we need to cross a quite busy street to reach it. So there's a traffic light that would stop the traffic on request if anyone presses the button to cross the street. And every now and then we'd witness a long queue of car waiting for 1 person to cross the street.

This traffic light for pedestrian in an empty street,it is inconveniencing at maybe most of the time. I myself usually always pondered if I could just get away crossing the street without requesting the traffic light. (J caught me doing it once though :D
And so from that point on pressing the button is a must :P) And why can't the cars just pass through once the person who requested it has safely crossed the street, without waiting for the light to turn green. However, allowing this kind of leniency would nurture bad behavior that might at some point endangering the safety.

We, Indonesians, are rather lenient when it comes to rules. But then again, without being too strict there needs to be a certain fine line taken where we should be lenient and where we should be strictly sticking to the rule.

I wonder where's this fine line lies on this Garuda emblem case.

One thing for sure I do want one of those "Garuda di dadaku" shirt to wear and flaunt :P

I love you Indonesia,
Garuda will always be in my heart,
figuratively,
and hopefully literally once i get my hand on one of those shirts :D

Which programming language do you use? :P

2011-02-23T17:56:00.002+01:00

http://www.somethingofthatilk.com/index.php?id=135
perl
haskell

programming language and relationship

source

Skirts, colours, springtime!

2011-02-22T14:30:00.006+01:00

Yesterday, in a usual last minute prep before sprinting catching the bus for an appointment, I couldn't find the veils that I wanted to wear that day. I was wearing an outfit with dark colours so I thought I'd match it with my black veils as usual. But as the time was ticking, I finally resorted to the plain ivory veil that I found in the bottom of my dresser, the only thing that didn't seem crumpled too much xP

And as I donned my head veil, it struck me that it's been such a long time since last I wore light coloured things.

Wow.

I found it rather odd, as I know I do love colours the most. And my colourful collection in the wardrobe would prove it.

I supposed I'd blame it in the winter?

While it rendered the earth all pretty with it's white blanket, it has also stripped it off from colours but white, black, and shades of grays.
People got the cold mood too and dressed in such dull shades.
Sure, here and there some red jacket and shiny skiing jackets colours would pop up, but it's never the majority, not in winter.

But the sun has been very sweet to my city these last few days. No days were without sun rays kissing us. The wind sure still blowing cold as always, but it really helped to see the sun shone during the days. It really feel as if it's definitely springtime coming early!

So, that sunshiny day I finally went out with my flowing skirts and light coloured veil,
and, boy, that felt good! ;D

It felt a bit surreal acknowledging having such feeling just because of one single change of veil colour,
but hey, it's all that little things that matter, and it did work!

And... as I met my prof submitting my work, he asked me what's the occasion today?
To my confused look then he continued that I dressed very elegantly that day.
awww =')

Yay for springtime!;D
So, light up, shine up! It may be winter outside, but let it be always springtime in your heart and mind! (and look ;P)

and so here I am today,
donning my other skirts that I dug up from the bottom of my wardrobe,
I'm loving my style and I think I'll flaunt it for as long as I'm in the mood for it, singing "I want a girl with long skirt and shooooort jacket~~" xP

KPOP dance genre

2011-02-18T11:46:00.001+01:00

After my first adventure of making a cover dance video was proven to be very fun and the result was pretty entertaining, I got quite hooked up in learning some more dance moves for fun =9

And that's how I was then introduced to the world of Korean pop songs, KPOP.

Thanks to my fellow dance game friends who are apparently such a die hard fans of KPOP, they proved very much helpful in providing my morning workout session with plenty of dance-for-fun materials :D

This super easy and catchy KPOP song was the first one that I learnt (and apparently already copied by indonesian group 5 Bidadari?) : Nobody from Wonder Girls

J is very supportive to this new hobby of mine. Even J could be caught at times humming the songs I was working on and imitating some of the moves xD
Most notably the one with the hand gesture from this "nobody" song expressing "blablabla" xP

Then I learnt this fun dance from the song Genie of the group SNSD/Girls Generation, a group consisting of 9 girls.
Upon me dancing this song's signature leg moves, J commented with cheerfully neighing, horse style, lol

Next was this rather too simple dance but definitely in the cutesy side song : A-ing
Aren't those clothes just adorable! i wanttttttttttt xD
This one dance is super easy and the jumps are nice for cardio workout xP

Although upon checking the lyrics...
these KPOP songs lyrics are just not making sense at times xD
But then, probably some are just lost in translation *shrugs*

Next in my list is the infamous buttdance Kpop song! Mister by Kara.

For this song, I've already got my dad's shiny blue training sweatpants to match their style hahaha xD

And... while I have only learnt the girls songs so far, the kpop boybands also have nice selection of songs!

Truthfully, I'm not very fond with korean pretty boy fab going, so, the ones I like are usually the upbeat ones rather than the ballads.

My absolute favorite KPOP male group is epik high!
I found almost all their songs are very nice to listen to.
This is one of their song that I like : love love love

And for the dance part, this is my most favorite one, from the group Super Junior :
sorry sorry
I think the dance is just fun and very manly! *_*

I'm looking forward to learn that dance, but might not be anytime soon :P
I guess the main point of such dance to be fun is to have ppl to dance with. This Super Junior group consists of 13 people.
If only this was already existed back then during my bachelor degree...
I bet I would have proposed us to dance it for the campus event! hahaha

Learning all these dances got my eyes opened to the this kind of KPOP genre, where it's not only about catchy songs and pretty faces, but also great dances with serious choreography. These singers were reported to undergo really serious and exhaustive trainings to practice and perform their dance routines.

This got me thinking... how come such genre hasn't existed yet in Indoesia?

And... as they said, be careful of what you wish for,
lo and behold, my friend informed me that apparently Indonesia has one KPOP boyband style!

Smash!

My friend told me of how people complained though about them. That their name is just like the korean boyband with the exact same name, that the opening of their song sounds just like Justin Bieber's song, and that their dance routine was copied from some koreans boybands.

But I said, o, come on give it a chance. It's already a good thing that we have a pioneer in that kind of genre.

Yet, upon witnessing their official song music video (MV), I have to admit I shouldn't have put high hopes on them yet ^^

The moves seem not too well practiced yet, and their expression...
I really don't want to be mean, but their expression in the movie was kind of a turn off, really ^^

Probably it's such a tough start for them using this as a debut song. The song is rather in the ballad side and it isn't very helping in providing the dancing atmosphere. Thus they had to come up with that pretty boy style presentation... which is not really my cup of tea ^^

This parody of them even seemed better as they could just be fun in doing it and not having to maintain the "cool" and "charming" (and...seducing? xD) image as the real smash in their MV.

but thennnnnn!
I found that they performed in ITB!
hahaha, oh my dear, beloved campus.

And while their voices aren't... really top notch.. ^^
they looked really enjoying it and having fun with their dance.
And I think that's what missing in the MV.

So.. I guess it's not such a bad start for this genre in Indonesia.
J teased me already when I explained about this to him: "Teheeee, so you like them eh?" xP
well, honestly, no. or at least not yet.

but, hey, really, I'll be looking forward to the day I'd proudly do a dance cover of an indonesian song!

So... let's hope they'd practice their vocal more, and practice their dances more, and...
we'll call it.. .Ipop? will we have any copyright problem with apple product lines? lol

Go forth Indonesian music! ;D

Kübler-Ross model

2011-02-17T13:02:00.005+01:00

Wikipedia of the five stages of grief

I kept on hearing about this five stages of grief referred in movies and things I read/watched. But only now I finally really read the wiki and found that it's originally written specially on how people deal with death or fatal illness.

While it's not scientifically proven, thus more of an empirical theory I suppose,
yet, I guess it's relevant for all kind of grief...
at least when I see myself,
and how I deal with my problems,
I could match my behaviours with all those five stages...

and the depression phases were usually the worst.

I guess I'm looking forward to my maturity stage to be able to directly leap to the fifth part every time I face my problem...

What gets you up in the morning?

2011-02-01T11:49:00.002+01:00

Some days it's the deadline, or appointments with the professors,
that's usually the most effective waking up motivation yet the most dreaded one.

some days it's because I can't wait to learn a new dance routine ;P
some days it's because I've been craving for certain snack to have as breakfast since the night before xP

but the worst day is when I woke up just feel nothing at all...

in those days then some pick-me-up efforts are needed,

a long nostalgic conversation with old friends,
little sweet treats for lunch,
a chat with the bus driver who turned out recognized your daily schedule (oh the joy of living in a small town <3)

hey, you all,
thanks for brightening my day! =D

Change of habit

2011-01-26T14:02:00.002+01:00

Back then, upon having nightmares, I used to wake up screaming calling my mom.

When I was young, that action would have successfully summonned my mom to come to my room and comfort me until I fall asleep again...
or granted me the permission to sleep in her room hahaha.

Then I grew up,
living in a dorm away from home for my high school and university.

The habit remained, though.
The resolution of nightmares would have still been waking up calling her.
But she couldn't hear me and come to me, of course.
So I'd have had to wait until it's morning before I went to the public phone (wartel? Is such thing still existing now with everyone having cellphones now in Indonesia?) to call her.

Then I moved further away, across the continents.
Yet I still remember waking up screaming "Ibuuuu" during my master degree years :D
Praise God for the technology as then I had already have my cellphone. So I would have texted her instead, and called her if I was lucky to have a calling card on hand.

Last night I had a horrible nightmare again...
But now all I had to do was rolling over to his side of the bed,
"J, J, J, I had a nightmare... I couldn't sleep",
nestled my head in the warmth of his side, holding his hand, and I'm all safe and golden.

ooo, my kuingkuing, how I love you =')

Virtual footprints

2011-01-25T17:08:00.004+01:00

I was checking on a web forum of a game that I used to play when I stumbled upon an old thread that got bumped up. It was an almost 2 years old thread.

A tribute to a deceased fellow gamer that everyone loved so dearly...

What was meant to be as a quick skimming and browsing session between work became something more then when the gamer's real name and education background rang a bell.

NTU engineering student, David.

It took only few milliseconds then to connect the dots between these two facts:
the infamous mysterious case of the death of an Indonesian student in Singapore and
this gamer of whom that thread was dedicated to.

I did read plenty of articles regarding the case back then. Of how there are plenty misinformation seem to happen, scenarios that didn't make any sense,...

I remembered how my impression of him was mostly what was painted by the media: he's a student in his last year, had a bit of problem with his study, a gamer, like to spend time in front of his PC...

But now, realizing he played the exact game I played, and reading his fellow gamers account of him in that thread... it seems so real now.

Everyone portrayed him as a cheerful, outgoing, helpful person. And I can see how that could indeed be the case in that game.
And reading through the long threads, where everyone described him very differently compared to all the media portrayal of him that I had read before,
painted an entirely different character of him in my head.

it's his virtual footprints...

no one in the thread seemed to have met him in real life.
But he touched their life just the same.

Everything happens online might be entirely unreal..
fake characters, fake stories,
but it's all real people behind all of those...
And when you did touch someone's heart.. it's not a virtual heart that you've left your impression on...

I wonder if I have left certain virtual footprints to my gaming fellow...

R.I.P for David Hartanto Widjaja

wkwkwkwk...

2011-01-24T11:10:00.002+01:00

So, I noticed that's the up-to-date style of expressing laugh in indonesian texts lately.
It just I can't help but reading it as wakwakwakwakwakwakwak (sounds like: quack quack quack quack quack quack ) with some duck mimicking expression xP

Comparing Indonesia to Italy.

2011-01-19T11:00:00.001+01:00

If Italy were your home instead of Indonesia you would...

spend 31.1 times more money on health care
use 10 times more electricity
make 6.6 times more money
consume 3.4 times more oil
have a 81.31% lesser chance af dying in infancy
have 56.59% fewer babies
live 9.28 years longer
experience 18.78% less of a class divide
be 100% more likely to have HIV/AIDS
have a 2.6% better chance at being employed

Comparing Indonesia to Italy.

gyahahaha, 100% chance in contracting AIDS? o_O
so......... I'd have had AIDS already now? o_o

No news is good news

2011-01-13T14:48:00.003+01:00

My mom believes in such saying.

And so.. usually I would never heard of anyone get sick or anything unless they have recovered. Then my mom would casually mention it during our weekly conversation..
"oh.. _someone_ was sick a bit back then.. but he/she is ok now."

Being away, and only relying on weekly contacts with home... that sometimes make me feel... excluded.

But then the reasoning my mom have for it has it's own merits too. As I'm such a worrywart (and I know my mom sure knows me better) a bit of bad news could indeed throw my daily routine to a mess.

But still... I think I deserve to know when there's something happen to my loved ones...

I guess I just don't know where am I standing with regards to that saying.

Hugs and kisses

2011-01-11T12:34:00.004+01:00

So, I seem to have the penchant for losing my stuffs somehow ^^;;>
Right after posting about my (unknowingly) lost winter gloves, just yesterday I managed to lose my wallet :D

After realizing that my wallet was nowhere to be found on the bus going home, I just went back to my campus and re-traced my route from the morning. Post office, campus, then the research center where I worked.

It was already late, and it's winter night, so it's all dark and cold and everyone mostly had gone back to their home. In my research center, the last place that I checked, I still couldn't find my wallet in my desk and working area. The office was empty except for one of my friend who always prefers work late and the cleaning ladies doing their job.

On my way out I asked one of the cleaning lady I passed if she might have seen my wallet somewhere. She responded no, then she called her friend, who also didn't see my wallet.

I have to say I did already expect it, was just trying to ask, since, well, there's nothing to lose anyway. So I just said it's ok and thanked them.

But then the lady proceeded to approach me...
and pat me in the head...
and hugged me...
and kissed my cheek...
comforting me

awwww =')

I honestly didn't expect that.
I was kinda taken aback actually that I guess I might have not hugged her back very well. Sorry >_<

But... it felt really nice to be hugged =')
And I'm very thankful to experience such affectionate display of empathy from a stranger with whom I usually only exchanged smiles as I passed by.

I guess that's Italy for you <3

Kisah sepasang sarung tangan...

2011-01-08T23:17:00.008+01:00

Alkisah pada suatu pagi yang dingin, hujan dan terburu-buru,
ketika ketinggalan bis beberapa detik saja berarti terlambat memenuhi janji saya menemui dosen,
maka berlarilah saya dengan kecepatan yang diusahakan meminimalkan kemungkinan terpeleset bekas salju bercampur hujan sambil tetap memaksimalkan peluang mencapai halte bis tepat waktu.

Pada kecepatan konstan lariku itulah tiba-tiba ekor mataku mendeteksi suatu berwarna hitam yang tersangkut di pagar trotoar jalan yang kulintasi.

Dan sampai saat ini saya masih mengagumi refleks motorik saya yang bertindak saat itu.

Sebelum otak saya bahkan sempat mengajukan salah satu dari pertanyaan 5W dan 1H mengenai benda yang dideteksi ekor mata saya itu, saya tiba-tiba telah memandangi benda hitam, basah, tebal, bergaris-garis itu yang sekarang telah berpindah ke tangan saya, di depan mata saya... sambil tetap berlari dengan kecepatan yang sama.

Dan... benda itu ternyata adalah...
sepasang sarung tangan saya :D

Ibu saya membelikan sarung tangan rajutan hitam tebal dengan garis abu-abu itu di pasar tanah abang tiga tahun lalu... dijual satu set dengan syal yang setelah dilipat dua tingginya sama dengan saya. Saya sangat menyukai syal dan sarung tangan itu. Selain karena memang itu satu-satunya syal tebal yg saya punya, juga karena warnanya match dengan jaket saya :D

Syalnya sedang saya pakai saat itu. Tapi saya mengenakan sarung tangan lain yang walau tidak matching tapi mampu melindungi tangan saya dari kejamnya hawa musim dingin. Saya terpaksa memakai sarung tangan lain itu selama beberapa hari terakhir karena saya tidak bisa menemukan sarung tangan saya yang satu set dengan syal tersebut.

Setelah sampai di halte dan saya lepas dari keterkejutan saya atas kesaktian gerak motorik saya barulah saya bisa berfikir....sekarang saya tahu sebabnya saya tidak dapat menemukan sarung tangan itu di rumah :D

dan saya hanya bisa berucap, Alhamdulillah.

Rupanya sarung tangan ini, Alhamdulillah, masih menjadi rezeki saya.

Dan.. menceloslah hati saya...

Subhanallah, Tuhanku yang Maha Pengasih, yang mengatur rezeki seluruh makhlukNya. Yang menjagakan sarung tangan saya sampai kembali pada tangan saya meskipun saya bahkan tidak menyadari saya sempat kehilangan benda tersebut beberapa hari pada tikungan jalan yang ramai.

Dan sontak saat itu saya malu hati...

Semenjak beberapa hari sebelumnya pikiran saya dirundung risau berkepanjangan memandangi hidup saya.
Ini adalah tahun terakhir saya kuliah, tahun terakhir saya dibiayai beasiswa, tahun terakhir saya bisa berlindung di balik tameng kemahasiswaan saya.
Sejauh masa perjalanan hidup saya ini, saya hanya tahu tentang sekolah. Dan Alhamdulillah sambil sekolah itu ternyata hidup dan sekolah saya ditanggung oleh
pihak-pihak di sekitar saya: pertama orang tua, kemudian pemberi beasiswa, dan universitas.

Memikirkan tahun terakhir saya ini, saya merisaukan apa yang mesti saya perbuat setelah lulus saya nanti. Saya seharusnya sudah dewasa... mampu berdiri sendiri. Tapi saya baru menyadari saya sama sekali tidak mempunyai bayangan apa yang harus saya lakukan untuk menyokong hidup saya.

Dan kengerian mengenai hal yang tak saya ketahui itu menghantui saya.

Risau saya berkepanjangan, tidur tak nyenyak, fikiran saya selalu penuh kekhawatiran saya tidak akan bisa hidup paska menjadi PhD.

Namun insiden kembalinya sarung tangan di pagi hari itu tiba-tiba menyadarkan saya...
Subhanallah, mengapa saya sampai lupa tentang Sang Pencipta yang telah mengatur rezeki bagi semua?

Pagi itu saya menemukan kedamaian...

Saya masih tidak tahu bagaimana hidup saya nanti setelah lulus.

Tapi sebagaimana Allah menjagakan sarung tangan yang Alhamdulillah masih menjadi rezeki saya itu untuk saya, insya Allah apabila saya tetap berusaha sebaik-baiknya melakukan apa yang saya bisa dengan niat di jalan-Nya, insya Allah saya mampu menjemput rezeki yang telah digariskan-Nya untuk saya.

oh... wow...

2010-12-15T21:55:00.004+01:00

Alkisah, ketika saya sedang iseng-iseng browsing mencari suatu menu masakan di kantin kampus saya dulu, tertumbuklah saya pada suatu kisah di sebuah thread forum yang mengisahkan percakapan dua orang tokoh utamanya dengan latar belakang kantin kampus saya itu dengan menu masakan yang saya cari.

Kisah cerita itu sederhana, tentang dua orang sahabat, kawan lama (kekasih?) yang sedang makan siang bersama, membicarakan kebiasaan-kebiasaan mereka dan bagaimana mereka sedang dalam proses beranjak lebih dewasa bersama. Suatu mata kuliah jurusan almamater saya yang diambil salah satu tokoh ceritanya dibahas. Suasana kuliah yang penuh tekanan dan situasi kantin tersebut yang melatarbelakangi percakapan mereka membuat saya mampu membayangkan kantin kampus yang penuh nostalgia masa kuliah untuk saya juga itu.

Tetapi posting ini bukan tentang nostalgia masa kuliah saya.

Karena kemudian saya memperhatikan tajuk forum tersebut.

Kisah itu berada di webpage yang bertajuk forum gay indonesia :D

oh...
...wow...

Saya... tidak ingin membahas tentang homoseksualitas...

Hanya tiba-tiba teringat kawan lama saya dulu ketika saya memulai program master saya. Ia berasal dari Trinidad dan Tobago. Dan ia ketika itu, tahun 2005, membahas bagaimana di Amerika, survey menunjukkan satu di antara beberapa orang di sekitar kita kemungkinan adalah gay.

Saya ketika itu hanya tertawa menanggapinya. Dengan naif menepiskan kemungkinan yang diajukannya itu karena menurut saya itu adalah fakta tentang Amerika, negara yang antah berantah jauhnya dari segi kultural dibandingkan negaraku tercinta.

Akan tetapi kini penemuan tulisan tidak disangka-sangka tadi, mau tak mau telah membuat saya memikirkan kembali pendapat saya...
tiba-tiba hal yang saya kira adalah fenomena antah berantah menjadi terasa nyata, terjadi dekat dengan saya.

Mungkin saya harus bangun dari tidur saya dan membuka mata saya lebih lebar.
Dunia sudah berubah.

Facebook scares me

2010-12-12T12:27:00.003+01:00

No, really, it does.

I've never been close to any of the social networking technologies.

Yesterday a friend talked about another friend which was never around. Everyone was curious about this mysterious person who just seem to pop here and there for some people, but never for the others.

So then, as tech savvy as my friends are, they all went to the book of faces. A friend showed us all this mysterious person's FB page, and we all gathered around to see it.

From the innocent beginning of comments like, "ohhh, so that's how he look like", then it was escalated into, "hey, he went to here and there! thought he always said he's busy", and, "oh, look, he's engaged", when then his pictures were browsed through.

I was there.. and I would be lying if I said I didn't giggle or join the chat of commenting this guy. But it then dawned on me that we are actually doing the very thing of stalking this guy through his FB. And it horrified me to think that someone would do that to me if I have an FB page.

Well, I don't have it. I guess that saves me from that possibility, maybe?

While I understand the many advantages of FB, the possibilities it give us to keep in touch with everyone, all the long gone friends, separated by distances or activities. I still somehow can't get used to this trend.

Facebook scares me in that... it gives us the illusion of we are knowing someone closely,- through his/her statuses, profile, pictures, comments-, while we might actually know very little of he/she compared if we directly get in touch with her/him.

Call me outdated, but I still believe in personal communication as the only way to properly get in touch with someone. Call, mail, chat one to one.

Sure, shouting in FB or any social network site it is an easy way to update everyone all at once about your things. But it's also very open, thus impersonal.

Thus... despite the image of the distance-less that we created in sharing the updates, we are also actually creating those implicit distance... that impersonality.
With the public nature of it, surely disclosing something very personal is impossible. And for others to response to us personally too, it would take an effort of either being shamelessly just disclosing everything in public space or use some extra effort in messaging privately or chat... or just be quiet.

In the end.. it would be the safe choices that are taken..
we'd seem to be open, to share much. And others too...
while actually it's all unconsciously orchestrated to still fit the norms..
Sharing as much as you can.. without ever really get too personal.

(to be continued.. and pending further editing)

Tentang roti sobek...

2010-12-09T11:46:00.003+01:00

Too much of something is never good

Biasanya saya terganggu dengan roti isi yang isinya tidak mencukupi untuk menemani saya mengunyah rotinya sampai habis. Maka ketika kemarin saya membuat sendiri sang roti sobek, saya memastikan isian masing-masing roti berlimpah.

Tapi ternyata isi yang berlebihan itu tidak nikmat juga. Akhirnya saya harus mencuili bagian rotinya saja dan menyisihkan isinya untuk merasakan rotinya dengan nikmat.

Ternyata memang berlebihan itu tidak pernah baik.. (to be continued..)

Rasa Baru

Masih dengan niatan untuk memiliki roti sobek dengan isian berlimpah, kemarin saya memasukkan kreasi ini di sebagian roti-roti buatan saya : 1 sdt coklat cincang, 1 sdt kacang cincang, 1 sdt parutan keju leerdamer.

Coba tebak hasil paduan rasanya seperti apa?

Saya membayangkan hasil rasa seperti rasa isian martabak manis / terang bulan coklat kacang keju.

Ternyata rasa yang didapat adalah...

rasa bumbu pecel!

hahahahaha

Gubuk Derita

2010-12-02T17:29:00.002+01:00

Derita jadi orang pendek

Saya biasanya cukup percaya diri kalau saya ini berperawakan cukup tinggi. Sampai beberapa hari yang lalu ketika saya masuk ke toilet wanita gedung universitas saya untuk mencuci tangan.

Toilet ini menggunakan sensor untuk otomatis menyalakan lampu apabila ada yang masuk.
Sayangnya sensor ini tampaknya tidak memperhitungkan saya dalam demografi penggunanya.
Karena, setelah pintu tertutup, saya ternyata harus meraba-raba untuk memastikan saya mencuci tangan pada tempat yang benar dalam keadaan gelap gulita :D

Walhasil saat ini ritual masuk toilet wanita harus saya awali dengan melambai-lambaikan tangan di depan pintu toilet dulu. "Hai sensor, saya disini" *sigh*

Derita makan bubur di musim dingin

Sebenarnya sudah bisa makan bubur pada musim dingin adalah suatu prestasi tersendiri. Karena tidak ada yang jual, pasti bubur itu adalah hasil jerih payah memasak sendiri tanpa kontribusi dari tukang bubur yang biasanya tinggal dipanggil :D
Apalagi kemarin bubur tersebut dimasak dalam keadaan sakit.

Sayangnya setelah perjuangan membuat yang cukup signifikan, ternyata untuk memakannya dibutuhkan pula perjuangan berikutnya.

Pada suapan pertama, bubur sukses membakar lidah :D ini salah saya, sih.
suapan kedua, hmmm, haduuu, ini, ya, nikmatnya makan bubur =')
suapan ketiga... halah... udah dinginnnnnnn T______________T
sedihhhhh T_T

Memanaskannya lagi di panci ternyata juga bukan solusi, karena kejadian sama kembali terulang. Bubur dan kuahnya yang bergejolak mendidih di panci, sukses mendingin setelah pindah ke mangkok dalam dua suapan saja =(

tampaknya lain kali saya harus makan bubur langsung dari panci di atas kompor saja kalau musim dingin begini ^^

Khusnudzon-lah

2010-12-01T11:11:00.003+01:00

Alkisah beberapa hari yang lalu beredar di mailing list almamater saya tentang seorang kawan yang telah menikah. Sayangnya point pembicaraan lalu terpusat pada topik: mengapa tidak ada pemberitahuan?

Hari ini kemudian muncul-lah si kawan, dengan e-mail yang panjang lebar mengklarifikasi kabar, sebab musabab mengapa belum ada pemberitahuan sebelumnya, dan berlanjut dengan undangan untuk resepsi pada waktu yang akan datang.

Alangkah kasihannya kawan saya itu. Menikah yang di agama begitu dimudahkan saja, jadi harus dipersusah. Padahal sebagian besar anggota mailing list juga sudah menikah, yang tentunya berarti sudah merasakan bagaimana rusuhnya menikah di Indonesia itu.

Hal ini dulu juga sempat terjadi di mailing list almamater saya yang lain. Pada waktu itu pembicaraan bahkan jauh lebih heboh... dan... kejam. Karena kabar pertama kali datang dari kawan lain yang menemui si pasangan di dokter kandungan.

Ayolah, kita semua sudah dewasa, sudah belajar tentang tidak baiknya ghibah, apalagi fitnah. Jadi orang Indonesia itu sudah pasti dalam paketnya ada termasuk paling tidak sekali nasib tergosipkan oleh yang lain. Meski tentu saja ada argumen, itulah bagusnya komunitas kita, masih ada kontrol sosial yang jelas untuk perilaku setiap anggotanya oleh yang lain. Tapi alangkah sejuknya dunia bila kontrol sosial itu dilakukan dengan cara yang baik. Dan bukankah agama kita, rahmat bagi seluruh alam, telah menunjukkan caranya?

Membaca tajuk e-mail kawan saya itu : klarifikasi, saya jadi terfikir. Mungkin ini karena kita sudah terlalu banyak dicekoki infotainment di Indonesia. Dimana kabar yang belum jelas asal dan usulnya dan sarat praduga kiri kanan, a.k.a gosip, dengan mudahnya diumbar-umbar setiap hari, setiap jam, seolah-olah itu hal yang lazim. Mungkin itu lalu menjadikan radar kepekaan kita terhadap fitnah melemah? Dan kemudian, untuk membersihkan nama baik, sang selebritis kemudian harus mengadakan jumpa pers, memberikan klarifikasi...

Saya jadi ingat salah satu pesan Almarhum paman saya kepada istrinya sebelum beliau meninggal: jangan lah banyak-banyak menonton acara gosip.
Sungguh benar kata seorang kawan saya, orang yang bijaksana sering lebih cepat dipanggil karena Allah lebih sayang padanya...

Ah, setelah dipikir-pikir, mungkin saya sendiri jadi tidak khusnudzon sudah menulis posting ini...

Winter bliss

2010-11-29T15:39:00.002+01:00

the crisp snow that crunched on each of my footsteps
the deep, shoes sole pattern trails I left behind
the soft wisp of snowflakes falling, hovering around before melting when they touch the ground, my jacket, or my nose
the pretty white blanket that covers the trees, vineyard, rooftops, and everywhere
the piles of fluffy white snows on fences' tops: my snowball fight ammunition

these are a few of my favorite things~~

eyecandies!

2010-11-22T13:15:00.000+01:00

http://cuteboyswithcats.tumblr.com/
kyaaaa! xD

Bahasa Indonesia

2010-11-02T15:40:00.016+01:00

Setelah menulis posting saya yang lalu, baru saya menyadari sesuatu :
ternyata menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia itu tidak mudah.

Atau ini saya saja, ya, yang tidak terbiasa menulis dalam bahasa Indonesia?

Saya selalu membanggakan pada kawan-kawan asing saya disini bahwa bahasa Indonesia adalah bahasa yang super-duper mudah dipelajari.

Bagi yang familiar dengan bahasa Inggris saja misalnya,
pasti langsung dapat menghargai betapa bahasa Indonesia yang sama sekali tidak mempunyai sistem tenses itu mudah.
Hendak berbicara tentang hal yang terjadi di masa lalu, sedang berlangsung, atau pun di masa depan? Gunakan saja kalimat yang persis sama dengan tambahan keterangan waktu yang berbeda.
Tidak ada kata kerja yang menjadi berubah karena masalah waktu, tidak ada susunan kata yang harus berubah.

Kata benda sebagai singular hendak dijadikan plural? Ulang saja kata tersebut tanpa pusing menambahkan "s" di belakang, atau menghafalkan benda-benda yang mempunyai bentuk plural perkecualian.

Lebih jauh, apabila hendak dibandingkan dengan bahasa dengan akar bahasa latin (seperti bahasa Perancis, Italia, Spanyol, Portugis), makin dahsyat lagi terasa betapa sederhananya bahasa kita.

Dalam mempelajari bahasa-bahasa latin tersebut kita akan direpotkan dengan bentukan kata kerja yang berbeda untuk subyek kalimat yang berbeda. Contoh: menulis dalam bahasa italia adalah "scrivere", apabila saya yang menulis, kata kerja tersebut menjadi "scrivo", kalau subyeknya kita/ kami, ia menjadi "scriviamo". Tentu saja hal ini tidak didapatkan di bahasa Indonesia dimana kata kerja menulis ya tetap menulis untuk subyek-subyek manapun.

Bahasa kita tidak mengenal perbendaan gender terhadap benda-benda(dan manusia). Bandingkan ini dengan bahasa akar latin yang mempunyai dikotomi terhadap benda-benda sebagai maskulin atau feminin. Apalagi bila dibandingkan dengan bahasa Jerman yang selain mengenal maskulin, feminin, juga gender netral (kalau bingung, ini kira-kira sepadan dengan "it" dalam bahasa inggris). Karena setiap benda memiliki kategori gendernya, maka akhirnya pada awal-awal mempelajari bahasa-bahasa asing tersebut, kata benda harus dihafalkan dengan artikel penunjuknya yang mengidentifikasikan gender kata benda tersebut : contoh "der Tisch"(meja, yang lelaki dalam bahasa jerman, hahahaha).
Merujuk pada sesuatu dan seseorang akhirnya harus memperhatikan kategorisasinya.
Bandingkan dengan bahasa Indonesia yang dimana kita bisa dengan santai cukup mengucap "dia" dan membiarkan pendengar menafsirkan siapa dia itu sesuai konteks karena "dia" bisa berarti menunjuk pada seseorang yang perempuan, maupun seseorang yg laki-laki.

Topik pembedaan gender dalam bahasa ini pernah diangkat kawan kuliah saya dulu (hello, Avicenna!). Menurutnya karena itulah bahasa Indonesia tidak dapat digunakan sebagai bahasa ilmiah.

Bisa dibilang pendapatnya ada benarnya juga. Karena akhirnya tanpa tenses, tanpa pembedaan subyek, semua bergantung pada konteks.
Perhatikan keterangan waktu untuk mengetahui kapan hal yang dibicarakan terjadi, perhatikan topik yang dibicarakan untuk tahu "dia" dalam satu kalimat merujuk ke siapa yang perempuan atau laki-laki. Semua kemudian dapat bergantung pada penafsiran.

Di lain pihak, hal ini dapat dikatakan keunggulannya juga. Fleksibilitas.

Indonesia sekali, bukan?
Hampir semuanya fleksibel seperti halnya jam datang angkot Cisitu saya dulu dan rutenya (kalau sedang sepi penumpang, ngetem dulu lah. Lalu kalau sepertinya banyak penumpang di arah sebaliknya, ya, putar balik saja :D)

Masih berkaitan dengan fleksibilitas ini pula, bahasa kita dengan mudah menyerap pengaruh dari bahasa-bahasa lain. Dan menciptakan slang-slang, ungkapan-ungkapan secara produktif.
Coba lah menjauh dari Indonesia selama beberapa waktu (contoh: kuliah di negeri orang dan tidak pulang-pulang bertahun-tahun :D). Maka ketika kembali pasti untuk memperoleh predikat "gaul" dan mampu berkomunikasi dengan gaya yang aktual dibutuhkan skill yang cukup. Seperti untuk memahami penggunaan kata "secara" yang tidak benar tapi populer misalnya :D

Bertautan dengan post sebelumnya, sejujurnya fleksibilitasnya ini lah yang telah mampu menjadikan bahasa Indonesia bahasa persatuan kita. Ia menerima serapan dari bahasa manapun, menerima dialek dan pengaruh dari bahasa daerah manapun.

Akhirnya fleksibilitas ini membuat bahasa Indonesia aktual yang digunakan sehari-hari berkembang pesat. Dan harus diakui akhirnya bahasa Indonesia baku dan bahasa Indonesia yang sehari-hari digunakan kini menjadi dua entitas yang bebeda.

Apa yang diajarkan di sekolah (sepanjang ingatan saya tentu saja) adalah yang baku, yang tadi saya puja-puji sebagai bahasa yang sederhana dan mudah dipelajari. Tapi apakah kemudian itu yang digunakan sehari-hari?

Cobalah praktekkan bahasa baku, baik, dan benar dalam percakapan sehari-hari, hasilnya adalah percakapan yang akhirnya tidak natural dan menggelikan bagi orang Indonesia asli dengan rasa bahasanya. Lalu harus bagaimana orang mempelajari bahasa Indonesia?

Akhirnya semua kembali pada dibutuhkannya "rasa" untuk bahasa. Yang dalam bahasa Indonesia sangat dibutuhkan untuk membuat kalimat yang "normal".

Inilah hal yang baru saya sadari ketika menulis posting mengenai sumpah pemuda sebelumnya.
Saya bahkan terhenti untuk beberapa saat ketika mulai menulis karena saya tidak tahu harus menggunakan kata ganti orang pertama apa. Saya? Aku? Gua? Gw (Singkatan favorit saya untuk kata "gua" yang pada perasaan saya seperti menjadikannya lebih halus dari pada "gua", hehehe)? Apakah yang satu terlalu formal? Apakah yang lainnya terlalu informal?

Akhirnya, untuk asas keadilan, pada lain kali saya membanggakan mengenai betapa mudahnya bahasa Indonesia, mungkin saya harus menambahkan keterangan bahwa bahasa Indonesia yang digunakan sehari-hari banyak menggunakan slang... dan.... tidak cukup mudah untuk diimitasi pembicara dengan bahasa pertama bahasa lain :D

Disclaimer:
penulis bukan jebolan pendidikan sastra manapun :D
silakan dikoreksi apabila ada kesalahan-kesalahan dan ditambahkan apabila ada yang kurang-kurang.

Kami putra dan putri Indonesia...

2010-10-28T13:41:00.005+02:00

Sumpah Pemuda

1. Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, mengaku bertumpah darah yang satu, tanah air Indonesia.
2. Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, mengaku berbangsa yang satu, bangsa Indonesia.
3. Kami putra dan putri Indonesia, menjunjung bahasa persatuan, bahasa Indonesia.

Sungguh, aku berbangga menjadi pemudi Indonesia.

India, yang negaranya terletak di satu benua, tak terpisah-pisahkan sebagaimana kita dengan tujuh belas ribu sekian pulau kita, penduduknya antara satu sama lain hanya dapat bisa dipastikan saling mengerti apabila menggunakan bahasa Inggris apabila berkomunikasi.

Dua kawan karib saya semasa program Master dulu sama-sama warga negara India. Seorang berasal dari India Utara, dan seorang lagi dari India selatan. Sebagaimana Indonesia, masing-masing mereka memiliki bahasa daerah mereka, yang satu Urdu, yg satunya Tamil. Akan tetapi, berbeda dengan kami orang Indonesia yang dengan semena-mena bisa mendiskusikan hal-hal di antara kami sendiri menggunakan bahasa Indonesia tanpa dimengerti orang lain, mereka tidak dapat berkomunikasi antar mereka sendiri tanpa menggunakan bahasa Inggris.

Bahasa utama mereka, Hindi-Urdu, dikuasai dengan baik oleh penduduk India Utara, akan tetapi tidak demikian dengan di India Selatan. Penduduk India Selatan berbahasa Tamil sehari-harinya, dan sebagaimana mereka tidak dapat memahami Hindi, warga India Utara juga tidak dapat memahami Tamil. Sehingga antar kawan kami itu, mereka harus menggunakan bahasa nasional kedua mereka, Inggris.

Alangkah sayangnya, apalagi mengingat Inggris adalah bahasa yg masuk karena pendudukan Inggris di negara mereka.

Dan alangkah kagumnya saya pada pemuda-pemudi Indonesia pencanang sumpah pemuda. Yang telah dengan bijaksana memilih bahasa Indonesia, yang berakar Melayu namun bukan Melayu, bukan bahasa daerah tertentu saja, sehingga dapat dipelajari oleh semua warga Indonesia. Yang telah berikrar untuk bersama-sama menggunakannya untuk menjembatani perbedaan jarak, budaya, bahasa, antar penduduk kepulauan Indonesia ini.

Sungguh, aku berbangga menjadi pemudi Indonesia.

Yang pendahulunya dengan penuh keberanian mengikrarkan jati diri sebagai warga Indonesia di tengah pendudukan Belanda.
Yang memperjuangkan kemerdekaan negara ini dengan mengangkat senjata, bukan dengan menunggu pembebasan dan kemerdekaan yg diberikan oleh penjajah.

Sungguh, aku berbangga.

Indonesia...

2010-10-27T12:16:00.006+02:00

Bila tangan tak sampai..
maka hanya pada-Mu jua lah aku tersungkur..
karena Engkau lah yg memiliki segala sesuatu di langit dan bumi

Karena pelukku tak sampai dan tak akan mampu melindungi siapapun dan apapun dari kehendak-Mu
Maka pada-Mu jua lah aku bermohon...

Rahmatilah umat-Mu ini
Rahmatilah dan terimalah amal perbuatan saudara-saudara kami yg telah berpulang, ampunkanlah dosa-dosanya, lapangkanlah alam kuburnya, mudahkanlah semua urusannya,

lindungilah kami semua yg ditinggalkan,
mohon berkahilah semua sisa hari kami,
berilah kami kekuatan, kesabaran dan kemudahan bagi kami semua untuk melanjutkan perjuangan kami sampai saat kami nanti kembali pada-Mu

karena pada-Mu jua lah kembalinya segala sesuatu...

Home is where you are now

2010-10-20T14:33:00.003+02:00

I've moved to the new apartment since Sept 1st officially, but due to some trips it's only now that I finally start to really have a look at my environment.

We registered to be a resident in our community today.
After 4 years maintaining in all documents that we are still officially the resident of Indonesia, we finally changed our residence status.
Now that we live in a privately owned apartment this status is very much recommended to be had as it gives us the privilege of having lower rates to be paid on water, gas, and electricity bills, and also on urban waste handling fee.
It would also enable us to have the Italian citizen health insurance card as compared to the previous state where we can only have the declaration paper that we are supported by Italian national health insurance system since we were not yet a resident.

And today during this process I finally started to look around to my new neighborhood.

Once we started our day we were greeted by the lady living in front of our apartment(who has a cute black, long-haired cat!). She wore a very stylish hairdo and red-rimmed eyeglasses. She cheerfully asked us how are we doing, and shared that she is in a happy state. She commented on how we have always been inside our apartment. My limited Italian has prevented me from telling her the complete story that we've been away on vacation this month, silly me.
Instead, I told her that we are students that are doomed to be either be in the university or dead sleeping in the apartment :D

Well, in some way my answer is very correct now anyway that we have no internet at home yet, and it's freezing cold inside our apartment. We basically just spend the whole day in the university and only go home late at night for dinner and sleep.

Further on our way to the community center we found that there's a small bakery just outside our apartment complex that opens early at 7 in the morning. If only we knew it beforehand our breakfast this morning wouldn't be so sadly consisting of just the instant soup and crackers and J could have the breakfast with some bread and peanut jam that he craved for this morning.

We found too that there's a local bank branch just few steps from it. Going there surely will beat having to go to the other branch nearby my campus just to pay our bills.

We were helped by gracious locals on our way to find the community center. The bus driver didn't have the clue where is the community center that we were looking for, but a helpful old fellow passenger came to our help and told us the correct bus stop and how to reach the piazza. Further, when (still) we couldn't find the piazza, an old man eagerly stepped out of his way to show us the way to get to the community center.

When we finally reached the community center, we found that it is conveniently located in a small piazza, with a small cooperation shop, pharmacy, and tabacchi (small store selling newspapers, and your daily trivial needs) located nearby. A church is nearby, also a nicely arranged cemetery.

The lady in the community registration center was very helpful and the process only took few minutes given that we provided all the necessary documents. We only now need to wait for their information when our forms are done being processed.

It was a peaceful morning in that piazza, several locals were sitting on the benches, some old ladies were doing their groceries, a beautiful mountainous view enclosing the scenery. We enjoyed such view while we waited for the bus that would take us directly to our campus after we were done with the registration.

Four bus lines are operating on bus stops nearby our place. This one that we particularly waiting for is newly established and really is there connecting our apartment and the university directly. Another one serves to go up further to the community center and to downtown city. Another one serves to go up to my campus and downtown. Another one strictly goes to down town.

I realized... despite the minuscule size of our apartment, despite the freezing cold inside it now, and the still unorganized boxes of our stuffs that are laying here and there, it is a convenient and beautiful environment that we are living in now.

Even though the comfort of Indonesia is still fresh in our mind, and still we are aching as ever to be back there, in the warmth of our families and loved ones, to be back in the culture that we've grown accustomed to since our childhood, we are here now. It is our home now.

Dewasa dan tua

2010-10-19T13:03:00.002+02:00

Konon katanya menjadi tua itu pasti, dewasa itu pilihan.
Tetapi, maaf, saya rasa saya harus berbeda pendapat.
menjadi tua itu pasti.... dan kepastian itu mau tak mau akan memaksamu untuk juga menjadi dewasa.
Karena bersama ketuaan itu datang lah hal-hal yg tak terfikirkan sebelumnya...
bersama ketuaan datanglah pemikiran mengenai kestabilan hidup,
mengenai masa depan, mengenai target-target yg lebih jauh, mengenai hidup yg lebih dari sekedar hari ini...

I don't want to grow up.

Poem

2010-07-28T15:43:00.006+02:00

I read about a recently controversial poem, pipi mimi, published.
It is controversial as it could very blatantly be related to yet another current controversial celebrity affair of KD.
Yet, the author argued that she didn't attribute the poem to anyone in particular, it is just something that could be related to every women, so she said.

Well.. whatever,
I say there are too many coincidences between those points in her "fiction" poem with the current real story for her to be hiding behind the so-called "fiction" categorization.

but then.. *shrugs* oh well...

the only thing that bother me is...
that poem isn't worth being a poem.

I have always appreciated all the literature works which would give me a shiver in the spine, even a slap in the face if you will, through sheer words.
For me poems supposed to be chain of words which would tantalize your senses,
engage all your senses with it's strength and making you feel more about things it's talking about,
and would stimulate your mind into thinking deeper meaning of things.
It is a short(or not so short) reading that would leave you wiser by the time you finish reading it.

Not a blatant mocking of a see-through situation.
I say that's a parody writing... at best.

Children

2010-07-23T15:18:00.006+02:00

They are the small humans that will be born and see the world through you, their parents.
People said once you have your own children they'll be your everything.

J said of course the kid will be the number one for him later (if we have one, insya Allah).
And when I protested that I should always be the number one, he pointed out how ridiculous it is to compete with your own kids.
But really, is it just given like that?

From the evolution point of view such protective feeling of parents is important to ensure the fragile little babies survival to the world.
But from the relationship point of view... is it fair?
That you'll love your children more than your spouse?

I wouldn't compare it of course to the love to our parents,
but in the other direction...

the baby was just born, we barely know him/her.
and we barely gone through anything with them.
Is it fair then if suddenly she/he's the center of your world compared to your spouse?

just my musings of course ^^
will be edited when I find the answer :D

Adulthood

2010-07-21T15:26:00.010+02:00

By the end of August our apartment contract in the university apartment will be ended. They can no longer support all doctorate students, so we should find ourselves a private apartment to rent.
After weeks of scrutinizing the newspaper ads section,
after all the calls and trips in the hot summer day of Italy visiting each of the candidate apartments,
after some rejection and lots and lots of thinking and thinking,
yesterday we went down town to make our first-ever down payment for our first-ever privately rented apartment.

We talked to the agency lady about the upcoming formal contract that we'll sign,
we signed a down-payment agreement,
we paid the down-payment amount
and we left there freaked out and scared.

What if the lady isn't as nice as she seem to be?
What if this apartment isn't as good as it's supposed to be?
What if we'd find another better apartment later?
What if some unprecedented problems about this apartment come up later?

I looked into J's eyes and I saw all these fears and worries.
I tried to console him: that we have decided this, and come what may.
I told him that I'm freaking out too, and he's supposed to protect me and comfort me.
He said he's in the exact same boat as I am, how very selfish of me to expect that of him.

I guess we both just started to learn to be an adult.
Taking our very first step into the non-student world.

My dearest friend put it very wisely:
problems are what life made of.
That's just life. Problems are the spices of life.
(Masalah itu asam garam hidup; nothing can translate the sentence best I guess)

And I guess, that's just how we should go on, plunge into this adult life. Come what may.

Age paradox

2010-05-12T11:10:00.009+02:00

So I met my neighbour on my way down to the first floor when I was about to go to campus today. I saw that he didn't lock up his apartment before he went, so I started chit chatting about how we better leave it locked if there's no one else inside.

Then we introduced ourselves to each other. (I know, there's a bit of problem in the structural order of how I chat eh? xP)

He then proceeded to ask whether I'm on my first year, which here usually refers to first year of college.

me: Ummmm, no?
him: Oh, master?
me: uhmmm, no ^^
(silence)
me: doctorate, third year :D

then we chatted again about our origin. He's from central America, but speaks fluently Italian because it's similar with Spanish (why, yes of course, how lucky >_<)
and we chatted about several things else.

But it seems he was still intrigued by the error in his initial judgment that when we waited for the bus (which was late as always) he then asked how old I am.

Hmm, that has taken me quite aback,
I thought there was a certain implicit rules somewhere that you shouldn't ask a lady her age? xP

But, anyway, as surprised as I was, I told him I'm 26.
And he went, wow, you look way way way less than that.
I just laughed and asked his age. He's 21.

Then on the bus, I realized I was happy that he thought I look younger.
Yay, me! *\o/*

But then the reality hit me,
oh.my.God,
I am now old enough to be happy when someone think I am not of my own age o_o

So the moral of the story is:

1. Western people can not really judge Asian peoples' age
2. When you are happy to hear someone said you look younger, then you are actually really really really old *facepalm*

O well, life, here I come, 26 years old and counting, alive and kicking ;)

Missing my religion

2010-04-16T14:17:00.009+02:00

I feel so empty lately,
having no motivation,
constantly questioning my life and my existence.
Lying awake before sleeping, I noticed how I have been just dragging myself along,
from morning to morning,
from one deadline to the other,
fixing this, debugging that, coding this, implementing that..
get home, fix dinner, super tired, go sleep,
wake up.. repeat all...

I was blaming it on my PMS
I was blaming it on my 3 years dwelling in this very same problem of my research
I was blaming it on my deadlines
I was blaming it on my homesick, not going home for so long

Then I got reminded today,

A friend's brother passed away in his sleep,
solemnly and peacefully,
with no sickness or anything,
and with smiles on his face...

Subhanallah...

Will I get such a beautiful passing away later?

What have I been doing with my life?

I think I've made up my mind,
I wanna go home at Ramadhan, insya Allah,

I wanna be back in that religious atmosphere,
I want to pray my tarawih in mosques everyday without worrying missing the last bus,
I want to do my prayers along with my families,
peacefully at home without worrying my deadlines.
Insya Allah... amiin ya Robbal 'alamin

Kids

2010-04-08T11:06:00.002+02:00

They are so cute and adorable,
but hold their hands and you'll notice how small and fragile they are >_<
Watching them running around, falling now and then, I can't help but worrying a lot of what could happen to them in this big, cruel world.

I think it is a wonder how any parent in the world could let go of those tiny hands to let them grow.
Kudos to my parents who have believed in me and let me grow, travel and learn so many things in the world although not always near you.
I love you so much.

Have you made anyone smile lately?

2010-03-24T12:38:00.005+01:00

I was offered yet another ride today from someone I didn't know.

The kindness of people around me have just never ceased to amaze me =')
I guess this is what living in a small city supposed to be like.

Her name is Glenda; she's from Philippines. She's been here for 11 years, working in Casa di Riposo in Villazzano now. She has a gorgeous sleeping 2 years old daughter at the back seat. She was graduated from informatics too on 2002 in Philippines.
She was just finished accompanying her friend and was on her way downtown when she offered me a ride.
She did it since she said it's nice to talk to a foreigner once in awhile.

Tell me about it.

With my super broken Italian my daily circle is practically my work friends, my lecturers, and my Indonesian friends.

It's so very sweet of her to give me the ride and had our little chat along the way. She even made sure I arrived right in front of my campus =')

May you be rewarded for your kindness and blessed with happiness today on dear Glenda =)
*hugsss*

Sand

2010-02-15T14:43:00.005+01:00

I remember reading about this, in a manga I think...or somewhere.

Relationships- of all kinds- are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.

source

The best way to get rid of papers

2010-02-15T14:15:00.002+01:00

Turn them into confetti
Dress pretty/weird/funny for the carnival
Throw the confetti happily to everyone you meet on your way =D

Smile

2010-02-12T09:58:00.004+01:00

My dearest friend gave me this song way back then,
and I just fell in love with the lyrics.
And I think it's true :)

Smile, and the world will become a better place
(somehow, maybe, I hope :P)

Listen here

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
With your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness
Although a tear may be ever so near
That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just...

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it's breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
You'll get by...

If you smile
Through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile...

That's the time you must keep on trying
Smile, what's the use of crying
You'll find that life is still worthwhile
If you just smile

The Art of Being Angry

2010-02-11T16:59:00.003+01:00

It's one of those negative feeling, that would make you feel all your blood had risen up to your head. That would make you feel as if you are ready to explode.

I remember reading this quote from Aristotl back then about being angry, and I was deeply impressed by it.
I tried my best to remember it every time I have such negative feeling.
But I guess it's time I put it here so I can refer back to it easily when I'm angry.

Anybody can become angry
- that is easy,

but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree
and at the right time and for the right purpose,
and in the right way

- that is not within everybody's power and is not easy.

Because words slice right through the heart easily.
And the word sorry hardly could mend even the surface of that wound...

What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger

2010-02-10T16:06:00.005+01:00

Wow, look at that, been such a long time since my last post.

J always protects me from anguish.
Like this morning, he told me to look away when he's looking at some violent/brutal video clips. Since I'm usually deeply affected by such vids.

I guess everyone tries to protect their loved ones from despair and bad things, etc.
But what's the limit?
How do you know when you should protect someone from something and when you actually should let her/him to experience it firsthand to learn from it?

I guess that's the key point in good parenting/teaching/guiding etc. To know the limit.
But then there's no such manual or defined measurements for such limit.
My mom always said that parenting us, her children, was always a trial and error process.
And... whew, I don't think I'm ready yet to do that. Ever xP

Terharu =')

2009-10-14T13:52:00.003+02:00

A senior asked to meet to discuss about the tool I am developing for my research.
When I met her, she was scribbling, studying some paper.
And I found that... it was the paper I wrote.

The printout of my paper was full of her scribbles here and there. Some sentences were underlined. She has a bigger diagram from my paper printed out, as she said some diagrams can't be successfully printed out in small size. The folds and creases showed she has turned over those papers again and again.

Aww... =')

I thought I was going to melt at that time.

Never did it occur to me that someone would read my paper that intensively.

I can't help but think, oh, God, I hope there weren't any silly typos that I missed out >_<

I'm moved beyond belief.

May this moment motivates me more to do my research =)

Random act of kindness

2009-10-05T19:06:00.003+02:00

I have forgotten already how does it feel to accept random act of kindness.
Today I received one.
I was just running an errand, buying groceries for survival, in the nearby supermarket this afternoon. The closing time of the shop was not really convenient as I still had roughly 20mins to wait for the next bus going to my place.

As I crossed the street to the bus stop, a lady and her daughter suddenly said hi to me (in Italian). I greeted her back, having no idea what she might asked. Unless they are fellow students, or old people, it's pretty rare to have Italians struck a conversation first with a foreigner like me. As it turned out, she asked me if I wanted a ride with her since she said she's living nearby and going home now.

I was honestly...surprised, mesmerized, speechless.... and ashamed >_<
First, I somehow can't recall ever seeing her in my neighbourhood, yet she recognized me. Second, she graciously offered a ride while she could very well just ignore me as I could get on the next bus anyway. Third, it's been a long time that I don't find this side of Trento, of a small city where almost everyone knows each other and talks to each other in public .And last but, yeah, very least, I'm so not in a proper public clothes; as I thought I was just running a small errand, I only wore a jacket, my crumpled baggy pants, and my flip-flops. Oh, God.

And, curses to my very very limited italian language vocabulary, I can't convey any of those mixed feelings in proper italian sentences to communicate with her.

With my super broken Italian I tried to tell her it's fine, I could wait for the next bus. She simply replied "come vuoi..." (I don't know how to properly translate this, literally it's "however you want", but in conversation this is more like saying "up to you") and continued that she was going home anyway with her daughter.
I could finally only sheepishly said, yes, thank you, to her.

And so we rode her car. Her name is Patricia and her daughter is Adelle, 9 years old. She's a native of Trento, living in the upper side of my neighbourhood. I told her I'm a student here, from Indonesia. And I'm so embarassed that I had to tell her I've been living here for 3 years, but still can't use proper Italian for small talks like this >_<
(Note to self : it is of high importance to take the advanced Italian course now!)

And so.. the short ride ended, and we parted our ways.
Once again I cursed myself since I didn't even know how to express my gratitude other than saying "grazie mille". In english at least I would go on with 1 full long paragraph of gratitude sentences to thank her for her help. But all I could say in Italian was just grazie mille...grazie mille (repeated until the car door closed).

And here I am in my home, safe and sound without having to wait for the bus in the cold, with warm and fuzzy feeling after receiving such random act of kindness. I hope I could return the favour someday, somewhere, somehow, and I hope I could do such an act of kindness to stranger here too next time. Amen :)

my kuing kuing

2009-08-09T20:18:00.003+02:00

The Reason Why "RS" Is Deemed "An Expert"

2009-07-06T11:10:00.001+02:00

http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg20227115.500

xenophobic italy?

2009-01-31T19:37:00.005+01:00

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/food_and_drink/article5622156.ece

Italy is going further and further into this direction...

In my city there were only 2 small mosques, one of them was so small that it is only for men. It couldn't afford any space for women. And yet still, on friday prayers, the rows of people would spill to the street in front of it.

The second mosque is bigger than the first. At least there is a small room for women. On Ramadhan we would be tightly packed on tarawih prayers in that room. It was usually hard to properly sit and bow during the prayers.

For Eid-ul Fitr and Eid-ul Adha prayers these years an indoor sport hall was always rented. Thus, bigger number of people could be accommodated.

Last year the moslem community of my city began to build a masjid from scratch. Not in the city, but rather in the outskirt. It was planned to become a centre of activities not only for people in my city but also for moslem in other cities in this region. It was planned that on last Ramadhan we would have our Eid-ul Fitr prayer there, and not in the sport hall. But the masjid building was still not yet finished by that time.

During all the process of this building there were already some movements to object having a masjid in this region. I heard there was one moment where they hold a petition signing event in a piazza, talking about the act of terrorism and ask people to sign their petition to object to masjid building.

I read in the paper that actually there was a statement from the church in the region that support the building of this masjid. They recognize that it is a facility for prayer and people with religion needs such facility (CMIIW my italian is not that good). I talked once with my professor too, (an Italian, and he was the one who brought up the topics) and he expressed how ridiculous and made non-sense it was to object a facility of prayer to be built.

But, then... the government decision was issued. The building process had to stop, they withdrew the permission to build the masjid.

That was last year.

I just recently came back from a vacation in my home country. And upon coming back I learnt that now the small mosque is closed. There is only one mosque allowed now in this city...

And here comes the banning of food...

I enjoyed staying in Italy because the people are warm, just like Indonesian.
they smile and say ciao to strangers, they chitchat on the bus. All italians I came into contact with are nice, friendly, and kind.

CMIIW but I think how the situation advanced now is scary...

lie to me

2009-01-30T10:40:00.004+01:00

It's a title of new tv series j downloaded based on the ads we kept on hearing in yahoo launchcast. It builds the story around the fact that there are many things in body languages people can take hints from to tell whether someone is telling the truth or not. Because simply a slight right shoulder shrug could betray a full rehearsed lie.

But then maybe it's not the body languages who betray people,
more like people are betraying their own body by involving it in an act of lie.

When we see it that way, it is amazing how our whole body parts are actually given with an inherent resistance system towards making lies. The faster heart beat, the cold sweats, the shame, the guilty feelings that would churn your guts after you did something bad. It is a bad thing, therefore our body parts are encoded to make it harder for us to lie, or do something intentionally bad in general. In wars some studies have shown that actually more bullets are shot to a random direction, as it is not in human basic instinct to kill someone else. The corollary is shown in studies concerning how there are many soldiers suffered from depressions after war. As they are essentially fighting the will of their own body and mind by killing other people.

I guess this thought will go with some verse (or hadith?) which said that later in the judgement day our body parts will stand by themselves as the witnesses for us, and reports all things, good and bad, that we have done. Jokingly we can say our body parts have their own free will ^^.

Another possibility is that actually it is not about something encoded in the body. The conscience already know that a certain something is bad, therefore, although maybe repressed, it sent this signal to the whole body which then reacts. After all, mind controls everything in our body. People could say love hurts, because when you feel sad by love it goes to the same part of brain which sensor hurts literary, thus you feel the hurt.

Anyway you look at it, -whether it is something already encoded or it's something our own conscience is telling our body-, then it is actually easy to stay away from doing bad things, doing harms to ourselves.

May for our lifetime we don't need to betray ourselves from the true path. May we always be sensitive to listen to our conscience. May our conscience always be guided to always know the truth.

ps. no, don't lie to me though. i picked the title just because it's that series which sparked this thought. I myself am a bad lie detector and therefore a bad liar.

RTSS nightmare

2008-11-27T12:10:00.004+01:00

Just attended a mock-presentation as a rehearsal for the presentation of my first paper in RTSS.
I'm working on this paper with two profs, one from the embedded system background (my main PhD tutor), the other from the formal method background. It's my main advisor who will present the paper.
People from both area gathered for the presentation, and ... the question session started...
all hell break loose >_<
oh my, while my prof seems could manage all the questions, my guts churned listening to the questions coming.

I still have sooooooo much to learn in formal area T_T

It's half an hour after it finished, and I'm still disturbed in that how I'm still lacking all those knowledge.

I'm so far away from having the ability to present my own paper and defend it from all those questions.

While it's a consolation that
it won't be me who present it myself anyway, and I won't be able to even help answering the question since I couldn't attend it, and that I'm still a first year PhD student (well, ok, starting my 2nd year now),
still... I thought that at least I could possibly manage some of the questions.

It's so overwhelming in that this formal area is such a vast body of research.
Unlike when it was way back in high-school, or even in bachelor degree, where you have a finite set of references. And reading and mastering them will grant you the knowledge to master the material. Now, it's all current researches and papers which made up this body of knowledge. New papers published every so often. And I thought I've read soo many papers on it. But still I it doesn't seem to be enough. and the show of force (show of knowledge?) in that discussion forum scared me...

I'm still a looong loong way from home....

For my fellow Indonesian students...

2008-11-12T16:45:00.005+01:00

Pesan Sukarno kepada Pemuda Indonesia

“Engkau hai pemuda pemudi yang ada disini, sedang mengerjakan investment. Kerjakanlah pekerjaanmu dengan sebaik-baiknya. Kerjakanlah sebaik-baiknya oleh karena apa yang kau kejar sekarang ini ialah ilmu, dan ilmu itu bukan untukmu sendiri, tetapi ialah untuk anak cucumu, untuk bangsa Indonesia, untuk rakyat Indonesia, untuk tanah air Indonesia, untuk negara Republik Indonesia … semuanya menunggu-nunggu akan kedatanganmu kembali agar supaya kamu nanti dapat memberi sumbangan kepada pembangunan tanah air dan bangsa.”

(Pidato Bung Karno di depan mahasiswa Indonesia di Amerika Serikat, tahun 1956)

I got this quote from a random mail, I just can't help crying somehow reading it...
Maybe it's because I'm just too stressed with my work here now...
but then, have I really done my best? Have you?

playing around with style

2008-06-29T02:07:00.005+02:00

When I was little one of my ambitions was to be a fashion designer :D
what do u think of these sets? :P

About suing for emotional distress

2008-06-20T13:25:00.003+02:00

There is something that doesn't sit right with me about this article.
I've read the initial article I think months ago,
about a girl who sued a hairdresser where she applied for a job,
since she wasn't even given a chance to show her ability.
she was just turned down because she couldn't show her hair while working.
I'll put that initial article link later if I could find it.

While I found the salon owner reasoning is pretty sound,
given that the notion of veil must be unfamiliar for her,
let alone the notion of a hairdresser wearing veil while treating a customer's hair.
Yet, I also found that despite the novelty of such idea,
I think she still could have given her a chance to show her professional skill first
before really turning her down.

The problem is about the equality of the right to work professionally.

However, then in this new article the focus is then shifted to about the emotional distress of the girl having turned down by the salon.
And for that she is granted 4k pound sterling.

Somehow the court ruling doesn't seem fair and wise to me...

In the court the suing hairdresser won because

She (the salon owner) was not able to prove her contention that employing someone with a headscarf would have the negative impact on her business's stylistic integrity that she feared.

Thus, I think the proper solution would be to have some kind of legal base that ensure
for the future that every person, despite her headscarf, must be allowed the chance to
win the hairdresser job just based on their professional skill.

The part involving money to pay for the emotional distress part is the one that doesn't sound right to me.

It sounds....kinda greedy?

Emotional distress can happen.
It's just parts of human life in society.

How can you measure an amount of money to heal your heart wound from emotional distress?

Having the problem settled in court with an amount of money paid for you for your emotional distress, how would that heal your depression?

Isn't a fair apology from the person feels better?
A sincere admittance of apology with warm handshake and eye to eye contact that convey the empathy and understanding of your distress,
and then also your own act of forgiving that person.

Isn't that what heal heart wounds?

To me the court decision with the money grants somehow sounds like its going to add more social tension...

I really hope the aspiring hairdresser with veils will find her dream job.
I really hope that the salon owner will be able to pay the money and prosper in her salon business and might take a hairdresser with veils as an employee in the future for her awesome hairdressing skill.
And I hope the same for all other aspiring hairdressers in veils and other salon owners in the world...

And may peace fall upon the world...as Islam is rahmatan lil'alamin..

my daemon :P

2008-06-16T19:50:00.004+02:00

Hihihi, cantik, ya ;)
namanya kurang asik, tapi.
masa sangar2 cantik begitu dinamain Olin.
minimal....ummm...apa, ya...Antoinette! xD

btw, ini gw dapet dari raiza yang konon dapet dari sandy.
Jadi trendsetternya si Sandy, ni, tampaknya ;)

yang ini daemonnya j, niii, hihihi,
keren, ya;D
padahal tadinya dia dapet yg lebih keren: snow leopard,
tapi terus ilang linknya.
kata j ntar kelinci habib dimakan tu ma si Loreana ;P

masih berhubungan ama kucing-kucing cantik kaya daemon2 di atas...

tadi daku nemu daftar kucing kucing langka di dunia.

hiks..hiks...hiks...sedihhhh ='(

kucing cantik cantik & lucu lucu begitu ampir punahh, huhuhu.
gw bahkan baru denger sekarang yg macan biru itu..

gmn, ya, caranya nolongin biar ga punah?

dikate suruh nyumbang ke organisasi wildlife juga,
kok jadi kayanya miris,
nyumbang banyak2 ke indonesia masihhh aja banyak banget yg perlu
(abis baca ini beberapa hari yg lalu, sedihnyaaaa T_T),
ini mo nyumbang ke kucing =(

oh kucing kucing tersayang,
pada survive, ya *hugs hugs*

gw nunggu nunggu bioteknologi yg bisa ngerealisasiin mimpiku, ni:
pengen bisa pelihara macan, singa, polar bear, dan semua yg ada di list kucing2 langka itu,

tapi yg selama2nya kecil aja,

jadi lucu bisa buat maenan =D
*namanya teknologi forever-young-kittehs, kali, ya? ato bonsai kitteh? xD*

away from home

2008-06-04T12:04:00.002+02:00

it began with a simple birthday card,
and me planning to write some simple words,
some wishes for my daddy dearest.

then my mind wandered
and I realized that
i hardly can remember the last time I was home to wish you a happy birthday in the morning, Dad...

I've always thought that being away from home,
something which I've done since I was 14,
is something that makes me stronger.

but, is the price I pay worth it?
wouldn't I be stronger if I spent more years learning from my parents wisdom?
building closer bounds with my dearest brothers and sister?
have i alienated myself from my family with all these years away from home?
have i done the best as a daughter for my parents?
have i been wasting my not-so-long-time in this world away from you, my Mommy and Daddy dearest?

Suddenly I just wanna go home...

And after a sleepless night
just to find out in the morning that I could right away sleep peacefully after some calls with my parents,

and some chats with my friends dearest,
I found out that home isn't just my family,
my old friends too...

with all my works now, have i been wasting moments I could have spent with u guys?

and i wanna go home more and more...

ps. but someone is going nearby here instead ;P yayy for velly! =D)

being busy and twitter

2008-05-21T18:05:00.003+02:00

hehehe, those two are actually contra productive to each other :P
but anyway,
in the middle of tons of works that I have to finish for my paper submission due this weekend,
my dearly devoted dJ found twitter (although initially he misleaded me to tweeter which resulted in me frowning, "huh?")

I've known this twitter thingy since quite some time ago.
Yet, I restrained from joining it since I viewed it just as a blog for ultra obsessive writer that likes to report every second of his/her life. Plus it is so much prone to stalkers (being a stalker myself makes this possibility sound creepier :P).

But, anyway, it's true such a thing is very handy for J who is too lazy to write something like a long post entry for a blog.

So here i am joining him in twitter.
Hmm, then....what else? who else is there?
....seems no one that we know r there.

oh, the horror. lol.
either the hip of twitter has passed, or none of our friend had known it yet, or everyone chose to shun it just like my initial thought xD

so since we are in it, would you like to join us in twitter? *wink wink*

ikut2an habib ;P

2008-05-05T01:57:00.004+02:00

wiii, heboh deh, avatar gw :P
jadi inget account gaia daku.
dulu dipaksa-paksa bikin ma temen ;P
tapi karena gw nya males bener bergaul disana jadi miskin deh, avatar macem gini ga bakalan kebeli dah xD

yet another random post :P

2008-04-28T08:20:00.000+02:00

Your results:
You are Mystique

Mystique		68%
Dark Phoenix		58%
Dr. Doom		54%
Apocalypse		52%
Poison Ivy		51%
Catwoman		44%
Magneto		44%
Riddler		40%
Venom		39%
Mr. Freeze		39%
Two-Face		36%
Lex Luthor		34%
Juggernaut		32%
Green Goblin		32%
Kingpin		25%
The Joker		24%

Sometimes motherly, sometimes a beautiful companion, but most of the time a deceiving vixen.

Click here to take the Supervillain Personality Quiz

All about manga!

2008-04-11T04:01:00.003+02:00

I found a good article today about all different interesting manga out there.

And I found myself got carried away to re-live those good old time spending the whole day reading manga :D

I finished reading 12 manga today @_@
I guess thats a bit too much actually >.> but, well, I guess thats to repay my absence from reading manga these past few...weeks? xD

And that reminds me how my usual list of visited manga sites are gone with my ruby.
So here I'll write some links for manga sites I usually visited for my future reference:
http://stoptazmo.com/
http://shoujomagic.net/ --> mostly girly shoujo manga ;P
http://vnsharing.net--> the site is in vietnamese but you can get your hands around it easily for manga downloads
http://www.vimanga.ru/manga/
http://www.mangaworld.org/
http://www.omanga.net/
http://kotonoha.monkey-pirate.com/

I found some manga really have mature contents, not necessarily in the "H" meanings, but also in that they have mature topics: some might be so dark, weird, and abstract you get yourself confused. Still, not many succeeded to impress me though. I think I have to make some posts later about manga that touches me.

Daily program necessities!

2008-04-10T00:51:00.005+02:00

Ok, this one is a rather geeky post.
After my ruby left me I am forced to make use of my working desktop optimally, not just as my unix workstation to which I connect from my ruby :P

And...turns out im sooo highly dependent on some programs. I just can't function without having them ready at my disposal first. So. I'd like to enlist them, also for my own need when later I have to set up my ruby part de deux ;P

Of course as a fake CS student I dont really know much abt these programs aside from merely their use which is relevant to my need. You should refer to J for more informations, plus he is my trusted source of information abt all these programs :P

1. Mozilla
This is the first and foremost because I need to use it to download other programs that I will need :P
Along with it, install the add ons :

Adblock plus ( J's suggestion)
Delicious ( still J's suggestion)
Pray time! (my own need, dont forget to set the alarm 10 mins before the prayer time. no, not to prepare to pray on time, rather to not miss the previous prayer xD)

2. AVG
Everyone needs an anti virus of course. This one is free and working great for me =]
Unlike that symantec one which always bugged me with updating process and taking soo much effort just to uninstall it completely @_@

3. Yahoo messenger (+ msn live messenger optionally)
It's of some utmost priority to be installed immediately because I need to bug J if I need to ask question abt what to install, how, etc xD
I started to use MSN too. They have the customizable emoticon feature that just made me much more expressive than in yahoo ;P

4. Putty
My works are involving programs that only works in unix system. Since I refuse to use all those unix kind as my main OS. I rely on Putty to connect to my unix workstations.

6. WinSCP
Still related with the previous I use this to transfer back and forth the files I manipulated in Windows to be executed in Unix.

7. TortoiseSVN
Working in a team which use SVN (almost the same with CVS back then) to collect the works and maintain the versioning I found this program is convenient for my windows oriented mindset ;P
J complained that it adds things to the right click though, which is correct, but *shrugs* o, well.

6. Ultra Edit (pirated) or PSPad
I love Ultra Edit! I make use of its macro well for my work. It's pirated though >.>
J is advocating me to do right and use free programs. And this PSPad comes quite as a nice replacement for UltraEdit.

7. Acrobat PDF (pirated) or Ghostscript + Ghostviewer
The thing I love most abt the pirated Acrobat is the commenting facility. Oh, how I love to scribble so many things on all my pdf files I read. It just doesnt feel that I really read it if I dont put at least some highlights in some lines, or some question mark in some sentences, or a not so short comment of my a ha! moment when I read that file.
It's pirated though... I have to resort to GS *sobs sobs*

8. Miktex + WinEdt (Pirated) or TexnicCenter
To work on LaTex files. TexnicCenter is decent, I have not used it long enough, but then WinEdt wasnt really good in particular either, so *shrugs*

9. Visio 2002 (pirated)
I just have to have it! I'm a pretty visual person, so I really like to draw some graphs illustrating my thoughts. And I just already get used to visio I get so irritated not finding it in a basic microsoft office setting.

10. Microsoft Excell
Somehow I just make use of it a lot. And no, the one from Open Office could not replace it.

11. VMWare
So I can have another OS running along with my Windows. J suggested this. I haven't tried it yet but I suppose when I really make use of it I can delete Putty and WinSCP from my topmost lists ;P

The rest of the list would be some not really necessary stuff"
11. CDisplay
To read comics xD

12. Xming
To be able to display some GUI from my remote terminal.

13. go to pixelgirlpresents
Ok this is not a program ;P but I love myself a nice looking wallpaper, and thats the ultimate source for it :D

Hmmm...what else...I guess I'll add my list when I remember them along the way. Whats your daily program necessity ?

Random light thought abt ayat2 cinta

2008-04-05T01:25:00.005+02:00

*ini tadinya di draft kan karena setelah dilihat2 isinya rada jahat gitu, ngga gitu fair. bagus2nya ni buku ngga dibilang. tapi berhubung ternyata ada yg udah ngeh duluan ;P ya sudahlah di publish lagi dulu aja, dilengkapinnya kapan2 ;P*

ngga, gw ngga mo ngulas ni buku :p

cuma tadi kepikiran aja,

kan komen orang yg dtulis dsitu banyak tu yg bilang pngen dapet suami kaya fahri.
kok klo gw ga gitu suka ya karakternya si fahri ini?

mnurut gw karakternya rada tinggi hati, gitu. ngga begitu rendah hati lah *redundan banget bo*
(tentang status dia yg S2 al azhar, berguru di syaikh Utsman; ttg harusnya cewenya yg bilang suka ma dia *duh!*, etc)
kadang-kadang kaya ngga genuine, ngga tulus.
("saya cuma ingin dia merasa senang. tak lebih") -->or something like that.
dalam nyampein pendapat/dakwahnya kadang2 ngga halus
(karena gw orang jawa kali ya ;P)

kesimpulan gw pribadi aja sih dari yg tersirat.
I guess this is good, the character isnt perfect the way human is never perfect in real life ;)
tp, ya, intinya bukan tipe cowo gw lah ;P

somehow gw jg sebel ada beberapa salah kata serapan, editornya kok ga teliti.
(but im being anal in general abt this, so not really the editor's fault i guess)
yg gw inget kaya : "Mom, please take my seat" kata si Aisha di tram.
heh? emang doski nyokap elu?
gw rasa sih harusnya "Ma'am" kali ya maksudnya?
ato di mesir biasa manggil Mom ke sembarang ibu ibu yg ditemui di jalan mungkin ya?
trus ada istilah asing yg bikin gw "huh?" juga karena kayanya dia pikir spellingnya gitu padahal bukan (bukan sekedar typo maksudnya, tp ini gw lupa apa)
trus bahasa jermannya kok rada janggal ya?
diksinya ngga begitu umum gitu.

but maybe its just me being sirik, nyari2 kesalahan orang *shrugs* :p
overall its a good book to read anyway =]

disclaimer:
komen ini ditulis dengan asal, kutipan2nya ditulis seinget saya aja jadi mungkin beda ma yg asli :p

Procrastinating : lite on politics

2008-04-01T20:58:00.003+02:00

Posting ini bukan tentang apa itu procrastinating; posting ini ada karena gw sedang berprocrastinating ;P
(itu serapan dan penggunaan imbuhan yang baik dan benar bukan, ya? xD)

Light thoughts abt politics:

1. Abis baca judul provokatip di detik "Kyai Berdoa Hancurkan Sigid"

Kirain Sigid tu apaan, jenis rudal yang ngancem bakal ngancurin Indonesia gitu, ato singkatan nama virus berbahaya (temennya SARS? Severe Immune Gigantic I.... --> dilanjutkan kalo dah ada ide), ato benda apa kek yang sebegitu bahayanya bakal merusak harkat hidup orang banyak ampe kyai2 pada berdoanya rame2.

Eh, taunya itu nama orang! Astaghfirullahhaladzim.

Ya, Allah, mana doanya serem bener, disama2in sama peristiwa di surat Al-Fiil @_@

Gw tau lah orang indonesia suka aneh, tapi kalo kaya gitu udah kebangetan banget banget banget, tau ga sih.

Dimana2 setau gw juga ga ada ceritanya Nabi Muhammad SAW nyontohin ngedoain jelek ke orang laen kaya gitu.

Its....sooo.......
erghhh...ewww...eww....ewww
im speechless.

Gw ga pngen sok teu apa2, gw jg gak pengen khotbah apa2, cuma gw bener bener amat sangat sangat terganggu denger orang make sarana doa untuk hal kaya gitu.

Dari dulu gw emang udah 'nek sih sama politik, jadi mungkin gw emang rada bias. Tapi plis deh, cuma gonjang ganjing satu partai politik disamain ama pasukan gajah nyerang Mekkah yang sampe masuk Al-Qur'an? *sigh*

May Allah SWT be with us all and bless our politicians, may all of us always be in the right and straight path.

Masih ada yg laen sih, kaya itu tu khas indonesia banget ngga sih ngambinghitamin satu orang. tapi itu masih minor lah...

2. Obama kayanya bakal menang dari Hillary ya ;D

Waa, seneng, deh. Soalnya sebelumnya kayanya ga mungkin gitu dari Democrats bakal keluar Obama yg notabene bukan kulit putih :D

tapi liat ntar deh...semoga aja ntar ngga kalah ya dari McCainnya Republicans. Denger2 kebijakan McCainnya ini serem2 T_T

Tapi denger dari temen2 yg US, pemilu mereka ini bener2 hot topic buat semua orang disana. Jadi semoga aja yg ngevote taun ini bakal bener2 aware dengan pilihan mereka.
Hope US will really change!

3. I wuv Angela Merkel xD

hihihi, sebenernya daku ngga gitu2 perhatian amat sih ma politik Deutschland. Tapi....angela merkel itu imut banget pas piala dunia 06! xD

Doski (oopss...ganti apa ni vel?;P) tu yang semangat banget loncat2, berbinar-binar dan tepuk2 tangan tiap lagi liat tim Deutschland maen!
hihihi, kaya anak kecil gitu, padahal kan dia tu presiden xD

Dan kemaren ini dia ngumumin bahwa dia ga bakal ngedatengin pembukaan olimpiade di Cina. Shes the first.
Respekt.

Gw ngga begitu baca2 banget sih ttg Cina vs Tibet, tapi dari yg gw tau, kok kayanya Cina kebangetan gitu. (Reinkarnasi hanya seizin pemerintah Cina, what the ...?)

So, yea, i wuv angela xD

Ngasal time :D

2008-03-29T02:04:00.005+01:00

hihihi, ceritanya abis ( dan masih sedang sih sebenernya) baca blognya raditya dika.
Hihihi, ngocol abis xD
jadi pengen nulis ngasal pake bahasa indonesia, deh ;P

tulisannya tuh ngingetin banget ma stylenya hilman, tau ngga sih?
yg daku bacanya ampe bisa ngakak2 abis gitu.
*padahal daku bacanya past mitnait, tetangga2 pada stress kali ya dengernya :p*

kangennn, deh, baca sambil ngakak ngga jelas gini xD
jadi inget masa2 daku koleksi Olga, Lupus dan kawan2nya :D
*btw, hilman, -engkau idolaku...hilmannnn,,,- itu kemana ya sekarang?*

Daku ketinggalan banget yak, baru sekarang baca blog doski.
Padahal dia yg udah ampe nerbitin (almost) 4 buku gitu ^^;;>
Gini lah nasib ngga gaul ma kabar2 Indo *sigh*
Untung setidaknya gw masih apdet kalo tentang gosip dan seleb macem Chincha Lawrah xD

Daku udah ngincer sih sebenernya bukunya, pas terakhir pulang.
Ada bukunya di bagian best seller gitu deh, Kambing Jantan.
Tertarik sih.
Langsung diinget2, "ntar harus cek blognya, kambingjantan.com" (kalo ngga salah ni ya).

Tapi waktu itu ga beli bukunya karena udah telanjur kalap ambil macem2 buku laen.
Ampe keberatan. Ditumpuk2 dan nyaris akrobat daku bawa2nya pake dua tangan
(sampe akhirnya ada pak satpam yang jatuh iba dan mendekati, "mbak, pake kantong ini aja mbak, bawanya", ngasihin kantong belanja Gramedia. Aduhhh malunyaaa, ketinggalan zaman sekali daku xD).

Dan waktu itu karena kok sepertinya banyak sekali buku2 baru indonesia yang ga jelas judulnya, jadi mikirnya cuma, ah, paling just yet another new teen lit.
Hehehe, tapi setelah sukses ngakak beberapa jam gini jadi nyesel deh waktu itu ga beli ^^.

Tapi timingnya bagus banget deh nemu blog ini.
Karena tadi sebelum baca tuh daku yang lagi stresssssss abisssss.
Sumpek, suntuk, sutriss, su.....ya pokoknya lagi kesel abis gitu deh.
Lagi lagi masih tentang nasibku yang nelangsa ditinggal rubyku tersayang..hiks hiks hiks.

Jadi ceritanya bahkan setelah seminggu lebih itu transaksi Dell masih belom beres2 juga!

Pertama: Loh, kok offer free deliverynya ngga dimasukin?
Udah, total biayanya dikurangin biaya delivery.
Eh, kok modemnya jadi ilang dari list specs?
Dimasukin kembali lah itu modem.
waaa, jadi pengen printer yang lagi diskon!
Ditambahinlah sang printer.
tapi...
aduh, itu printernya salah tipe. bukan yang itu.
imel lagi imel lagi.
dan terakhir...
halah printernya salah diskon.
imel lagi.

*tunggu tunggu tunggu*
ahhhhhh!! udah ampir jam 5!! ini hari jumat!!
*telpon telpon telpon*
dering cuma sekali trus tulalit...
*keukeuh...telpon telpon..telpon*

tapi.... setelah jam menunjukkan jam 5 lewat dan tak kunjung ada imel maupun tanda2 telpon gw nyambung,
yakinlah gw si mbaknya udah pulang dengan bahagia memulai wikennya T_T
orderan laptopkuuuuuu...... *cryyyyyyy*

padahal gw udah wanti2 banget ke mbaknya ini harus beres hari ini. soalnya beres hari ini pun, ntar dapetnya baru april tgl 24. gw udah rasanya pngen langsung asal ngasih nomer credit cardnya aja biar cepet. ehhhh, ditinggal weekend...hiks hiks.

like...omgah!!! @#$%^&*!!!!!
*eh itu bukan enkripsi pisuhan,ya. itu karena gw dah ga tau mo ngomong apa lagi*

jadilah daku yang udah ditinggal ruby hampir 2 minggu ini ceritanya pengen ngamuk T_T

nangis2 bombay: check.
meraung raung kaya anak kecil minta mainan baru: check.
mukul2in guling+ bantal: check.

ih, kok kaya kurang seru ya *pouts*,

mentang2 seapartemen sendiri jadi lah daku keluar cari yg laen2 buat sasaran kesebelan.
sendal rumah: yahhh, dilempar malah membal gitu.
sekardus kecil kue: cuma...buk! selesai. tsk, ga seru.
*barusan tapi si kardus kue yang malang ini gw pungut lagi, kok. dan gw abisin... isinya dong bukan kardusnya. yummm :9*
piring:....wahh, males bersihinnya ntar.
kursi: ...hehe, kayanya kuat tuh kursi2 apartemen gw.
klang! klang! jatuhlah dua kursi gw.

Ehh, pintu kamar digedor. Si pacar :D
Doski marah2, gw banting2 kursi kedengeran ampe atas katanya. Dikata tu kursi punya gw apa?!?!

hehehe, gw lagi stress, malah dimarah2in :P
sebenernya gw ga gitu ngerti juga jadinya dia tadi ngomong apa aja, namanya juga lagi stress ^^;;>

tapi intinya jadi tadi tuh semaleman gw sedang sedih dan stres2nya lah.

naa, trus nemu blog yg bikin ngakak itu :D
ketawa itu menyenangkan ya ;P
dan ternyata ngasal pake bahasa indonesia itu jauh lebih enak dan ekspresip xD
ntar bakal lebih digalakkan deh nulis pake bahasa indonesia. terutama kalo lagi stress hihihi.

ya sudah lah...laptop masih belom punya, kamar masih berantakan, tapi gw nya udah nyengir, not a bad start eh?

hope its gonna be a great weekend for all of us =]

Memento

2008-03-27T01:26:00.003+01:00

I made a silly dancing video recently, me dancing that famous hare hare yukai dance :D

Its just for fun actually.

I never really get into youtube ppl, making videos of themselves doing something and put it in the internet for ppl to see.

But upon watching the result (its fun and funny, really, everyone should try to dance it xD) i found its kinda something I would love to keep.

And probably to show to my loved ones later in the future.
("This is granny dancing hare hare yukai back then when I had nothing better to do in Italy" xD)

Sweet memories always bring up smiles, right?
And... its something to immortalize what we have now.
The hairstyle, the agility of youth (lolz), the clothes, even the background sceneries.

I guess in that notion, pictures deliver the same memories.

Hmm... now come to think of it, probably thats why so many ppl made their own nude pictures?
To immortalize that flaunted body?
Since nothing lasts forever...

Luxury Expenses

2008-03-26T23:37:00.007+01:00

I think its time for me to return this blog to its original purpose, for daily light thoughts.
This one isnt really light though since its been occupying my head these last few days @_@

How do you manage your expenses?

Im not much of a shop-a-holic. I only buy stuffs when I really need them, when the old one is already broken/finished, when I cant find any other thing to substitute it.

Thats why sophie kinsella's stories never really seemed to echo on me. Buying shoes as an investment? my dearest ridla girls agreed on it, and they really do have pretty shoes suitable for every kind of occasion. I..only have a pair of sneakers aged 2 years, a pair of snow proof shoes (because the afromentioned sneakers just couldnt hold up to the snows and start to look saddening recently T_T), a pair of girly shoes (for every formal occasion possible), and a pair of hiking sandals.

Thats also because Im very picky. Buying things have always been an exhausting experience, consuming at least 2 days or more, and will only ends if I definitely sure i really really really want to buy that thing (sometimes involving me dreaming of that stuff already @_@). Therefore by nature I try to avoid buying things as much as I could.

But bad thing happens. ( an euphemism of s*** happens xD)

My laptop is dead.
Now, from browsing around, I want an xps m1330.
my other options :
- IBM T61 : scratched because I'd be forever itched to correct that asymmetrical monitor. for godsake! didnt they know everything must be balanced on earth?!?! xD
- m1530 : I dont want to add more weight to my daily 7 kgs backpack =(
- macbook pro : its much more expensive =( *the same goes to sony stuffs*
- a desktop : I might be traveling around, and its not really something compact i can bring with me or stuff somewhere to be left temporarily.

but then...my supervisor said in 2 or 3 months there might be some money for the univ to buy a laptop for me.

the thing is :
1. losing my laptop is driving me crazy these past few days, srsly
2. I always feel uneasy abt borrowed stuff

now, xps m1330 isnt really that cheap...
its on promotion now so i can get some discounts, but still...expensive.
dont even start to calculate the fact that im buying it in euro now, and that euro's value is skyrocketing now compared to rupiah.

I do have some money for it.
But, am I spending on some tertiary/luxury stuff if I buy this?

Its something I remember from my elementary school lesson. 3 types of spending :
primary, secondary, tertiary/luxury. A good person should not waste much on tertiary stuff and should save his/her money instead for rainy days :D

What I feel now is that a laptop is a primary need for me. Its something that I need everyday, its something I need to do all my works, its something I need with me in keeping all my routines that I have been and will have to keep on doing. I know I'd be using it to the fullest, and I know I would love to have it to last as long as possible.

But then, looking at the price, looking at the other possibilities that I can actually make do with,..is this a luxury item?
Does having an enough amount of money, so that u r not actually spending beyond ur limit, makes u eligible to spend on an expensive stuff?

I've been stressing myself out lately with this thought @_@
Im soooo desperate for a new laptop but then this thought always made me hesitant to make my transaction T_T

Another thing.
I've been craving for a dancepad since forever.
I desperately searched one in Indonesia but they dont have any with USB connection.
Ive finally found a retailer for europe, and after harassing them I finally found that they have a 1 year warranty for the dance pads and that they will replace defective products if I happen to receive one. Im just one step away from finalizing my order when again that same thought came.

Its a good one, and its european, so its not cheap.
But I know I would dance so often on it, if not every morning as my sport ^^.
I have even dreamed about playing on one, thats how I crave for this dancepad >_<
But does that makes a strong excuse for my spending?

I would blame this kind of confusion to the fact that im living in europe with a background knowledge of indonesian life.

had I been living in indonesia maybe none of those are even considered as my option.

had i always been living in europe maybe all of those are just some normal stuff, normal expenses.

...these things give me headaches @_@

I knew I never liked to have anything to do with money *sigh*

my wand :D

2008-03-26T12:37:00.004+01:00

Your Score: 12", Holly, Dragon

You scored 36 wisdom, 44 bravery, 15 emotional, and 16 martyrdom!

Holly is a powerful protective wood that good for use against evil, but it also represents dreams and fertility. Your dragon's heartstring core makes your wand very effective in hexes.

How you compared to other people your age and gender:
You scored higher than 33% on wisdom
You scored higher than 77% on bravery
You scored higher than 24% on emotional
You scored higher than 25% on martyrdom

Link: The Harry Potter Wand Test written by sputnik845 on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test
View My Profile(sputnik845)

oh my, 12 inch is kinda...long dont u think?
im so gonna break it just in a few days @_@

(another silly quiz i know =.=;; I think i have to change the title of this blog due to my recent posts =/)

God of chaos, mwahahaha

2008-03-26T12:20:00.001+01:00

Set

Perfectionist, prone to anger or irrationality. Aspects of Duality.

Colors: male: turquoise, female: black
Compatible Signs: Geb, The Nile
Dates: May 28 - Jun 18, Sep 28 - Oct 2

Role: God of chaos, evil, the desert, war, violence, conflict, and sandstorms
Appearance: Form of a man, with the head of an unidentified donkey-like animal. He was sometimes seen as a pig or a hippo.
Sacred animal: the mythical "Set animal"

What is Your Egyptian Zodiac Sign?
Designed by CyberWarlock of Warlock's Quizzles and Quandaries

hmm...i guess that explains my-always-chaotic-and-messy-room? xD

Tarot

2008-03-23T14:18:00.000+01:00

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

hehe, i knew i never meant to be a hiker :D

2008-03-21T03:12:00.000+01:00


	Your travel type: Travel Yup The Travel Yup likes exotic and adventurous travel, but prefers big cities with fast paced life. He has a keen interest in other cultures and always brings home a few souvenirs. Shopping in Bangkok, getting a tailor made suite in Kuala Lumpur, that's the kind of thing the Travel Yup is into. Even though he likes to get away, he prefers his travels to be comfortable.
	top destinations: Amsterdam Tahiti Beirut	stay away from: Darien Gap Tokyo Cairo

get your own travel profile

time to say goodbye?

2008-03-20T09:47:00.003+01:00

so...yea...my dearest ruby...just decided to go stuttering over and over the booting process since yesterday. she had been so nice to gave me quite some time to burn my important work data though before then repeating that stuttering process again.

Apparently something is wrong with the motherboard, theres something that went loose inside. It can be started just like usual, and it might let me do some works, but in an indefinite time that loosing part will take action, and my laptop will suddenly went off then reboot itself.

J and I were trying to pry it open yesterday, but we stopped just after we reached the memory part. I chickened out looking at all those green ic boards everywhere. the hard disk is ok, we tested in on j's laptop. so...should be something deeper...

I so wish theres someone expert at this laptop thing, who can just open it and glance it for awhile then fix whatever is loose there. cause im sure it shouldnt be something serious, (or should it?). J kept on saying its reaching the age, its just how these electronics go.

but anyway, i couldnt do any work yesterday...and gawd, how this profession had made me sooo attached to laptop. i cant live without one! T_T
that, plus my advisors are sooo eager with my work more than I do @_@
I finally used J's old powerbook yesterday nite just to find out there r already 7 mails of them discussing my work *orz*

I started looking out for one yesterday...dell xps m1330. what dya think?
*to be continued*

Is my ruby dying? >_<

2008-03-14T23:03:00.002+01:00

Nooo T_T
it happened 3 times already today, my dearest laptop, ruby, went dark when I tried to move it from places to places >_<
It went neither to hibernate nor to back alive, just suddenly the monitor went off, the power and the touchpad were still on, but it did nothing, no input can be detected >_<
my bf said its reaching its age already, passed 3 years limit last december.
but but but, i wuv my rubyyyyyy *cries in the corner*

but i want to be in griffyndor pouts

2008-03-13T14:04:00.002+01:00

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

Your in-depth results are:

Hufflepuff - 17
Ravenclaw - 13
Gryffindor - 11
Slytherin - 6

*still pouting*

Shuffle

2008-03-10T19:57:00.002+01:00

So, I've been wondering what in the world are these malaysian friends of mine talking about shuffle?

Googling it I found nothing other than card shuffling which I think is so remotely related to what they were talking about.

Until with a help of a friend finally I found what exactly it is today.

So it's a dance style which is popular in Malaysia and Australia.
My conclusion is that it's some kinda dancing style with stomping feet movements accompanied by musics with loud and fast bass beats *is that even understandable?* xD

The dance isnt really that impressive for me, just my opinion of course ^^;;>
Because for me a dance should be something pretty where ur body dance to the music and u enjoy and feel the music.

To me shuffle looks more like some trance dance; where u got lost in the music, where u r not really conscious abt ur dance.

Maybe because its just more emphasizing in the feet movement so it seems the hands and the upper part body dont seem to enjoy the dance? maybe because I havent get used to the kind of music to know that is how u properly enjoy such music? maybe because I havnt tried it myself? maybe I should so I can give a more appropriate comments on this phenomenon;D

well anyway here are some links:
wiki
basic shuffle dance tutorial
dance example

more randomness

2008-03-09T19:56:00.001+01:00

Take the Magic: The Gathering 'What Color Are You?' Quiz.

Ice Skating

2008-03-09T03:48:00.002+01:00

So, for the first time evah in my life I tried this sport today.

And now I've got 2 blisters on my feet, my whole body hurts so much, i couldnt sleep, and I guess Im too tired that I had nightmares when I accidentally fell asleep: I screamed things aloud T_T
so here i am blogging in the middle of the nite instead of sleeping @_@

It was nice actually ;D

I got a nice friend who kindly taught me the basics from scratch lol. Thankiiiess so very much for u!
I fell like the whole time though >_<
but he said I always fell very nicely!
so I guess Im proud that im such a pro in falling while skating =D

anyway some notes to self about skating:

- wear water resistant gloves
I fell down too much I guess that not before long my gloves r already wet cause I kept on falling and falling and holding on the ice to steady myself up.

- wear water resistant pants
Again, since I fell down most of the time, I went home with my jeans wet starting from under my knees downward and on my bums area. It wasn't nice wearing them back home on such a cold windy day @_@

- wear thick sport socks
I used the rented ice skating shoes sized 40D. Either that size is too narrow for my feet or it was just because I wear thin socks, I got blisters now on my inner side of feet. One for each foot in a perfectly same position.

I praise the developed technology of hansaplast here though that I could get something nice for my blisters instead of leaving them just like that.

It's called Cerotti per Vesiche. Transparent coloured, with gel to compress the irritated area and with the nice shape and comfortable substance which adhere nicely to the form of my feet. It protects the blister from getting more ouchy frictions, it soothes the pain (just a bit T_T), and its water proof too. It said it should helps a rapid recovery, lets hope so :D

- read some ice skating basics tutorial etc later
I didnt really know what I was doing, knowing I could slide to move here and there in between my falls made me happy already :D
But I still havnt got that smooth perfect rhythm to slides nicely, I still slided awkwardly, stumbled now and then, and my friend said I still did some unnecessary-complicating-additional moves every time I slide.
No matter how he explained to me the right way to slide, its always such a mess for me to change from 1 foot to another, the direction, the weight focus @_@
I should learn more abt that somehow.

All in all it was really a nice experience to be able to slide on ice! ;D

Im just hoping so much I could sleep anytime soon now and that this pain all over my body will go away soon T_T

Random scribble

2008-03-03T12:56:00.007+01:00

Acute laziness for the lose! >_<
No motivation at all T_T
remind me again, how did I end up here and what exactly am I doing here so far away from home? >_<
why I always seem to be behind the schedules? @_@

My fav songs lately :
imeem playlist
I need the loud upbeat songs to deafen the voices in my head: *I havnt done this, oh and that too, and that one, and...* x_x

my ultra bored siggy ;P

Death note font acquired from here

It's hot, dude!
The sun shines so bright and fierce today it almost looks like summer already.
The temperature is between 4 - 7 degrees celc. And Im happily wearing just my light jacket to campus, which turned out unnecessary after adding the fact that I ran to catch the bus ;P Sweating on winter season...so rare :D

One disaster at a time
thats a quote that somehow I remember from the movie "Frida Kahlo".
I guess its what I should apply to get rid of my piling deadlines....one disaster at a time...
gambatteh me! +U +U! Add oil! lol xD

Letting go...

2008-02-19T01:51:00.003+01:00

I've posted such a sad sad entry before...
I guess I owe myself to write an enlightenment for my own closure.

So, I've prayed.
The special prayer for the deceased, shalat ghaib.

I have learnt this prayer since I was in my junior high school.
Yet, still, I need to consult books to refresh my memory again every time I need to do it.
I guess, I should be grateful for that, because it means I seldom have such need to do the prayer...

I couldn't sleep that day.
I tried to distract myself with anything I can think of, but again and again I would be back to square one, remembering Mbah Kakung and feeling... the disbelief.

But then I finally decided that I had to do it...
I need to be at peace...
So I open my books searching for the guide for shalat ghaib.

And... I cant believe how could I forget such a beautiful prayer.

Such an elaborate and complete prayer.
I can't possibly wishing anything better for my grandpa other than those wishes in the prayer.

So, I prayed.
And when I finished
I knew I made such a nonsense with all the crying and denial.

Mbah kakung is surely in a much better place now.
Just like how I wished through the prayer.

all my memories with him are filled with joy, laughter, happiness, love, and everything that warms my heart and thats how Mbah Kakung will always remain in my heart and in my prayer.
yusi sayang Mbah Kakung, peluk cium buat Mbah Kakung

Death

2008-02-17T23:29:00.002+01:00

It has always been a vague concept to me...
Somehow it always take my beloved ones when I'm far away...
So that 'til now, I still dont know how to handle it...

Being in a distance when it happens
gives u the feeling that it isnt real.
Because they are still so healthy and all smiling in my head, from the latest memories that I had with them.

Receiving the news...I feel so unconnected.
As if it must be just like some stories in the news, which arent related to me.
It can't possibly related to me.
They are fine, just like when the last time we met!

I guess that means im in denial?

I feel so blank...

My mom told me to just pray..
it will do the same good, i don't need to go back home...

I guess indeed thats what I need to do

It's just that...I know
the worst thing of this, is that I can not completely accept that they are gone...
I can not completely let them go...

I know the next time I go back home, I will still expect to meet them.
That the fact that they won't be around when I'm home is just because they are in another city, or doing something...

Cause that's what I felt about Pakde.
Cause I still dreamed about spending good times with him, and woke up with smiles and thoughts that I should do that with him later when I go back to Indonesia.
Just to then burst into tears when I remembered he had passed away...like what my family told me when I was in Germany...

Ya, Allah, aku sayang banget sama pakde...

aku sayang banget sama mbah kakung...
sayang sayang banget...
mbah kakung,...
ya, Allah,...

update update

2008-02-03T03:01:00.002+01:00

wow, been a long time since last I updated this blog :D
new things on my life:

1. I've graduated, yayayyyyy!! h
And turns out someone had written abt it lol, tsk tsk tsk, now I know why Habsq found out abt me wearing "kebaya" while presenting my thesis ;P
Thankiiess though chietz for writing abt it!
and all my gratitude and thanks for everyone who was always there for me through that months of painful thesis writing. I love you all so much! And you know who u r ;)

2. I've started my PhD program

That involves :

- taking PhD classes which r held just in a short span of time like 2 weeks but with intensive meetings everyday for 3 hours *fainted*.
not to mention that since only few ppl attend these classes, a late arrival or an absent or an accidental sleep during the course is very noticeable ^^;;>
and the worst for this 2 weeks is that this class starts at 8.30 am. Mind you, with subuh at 6 am, Trento is still very very dark and colddddddddddd at that hour T_T

- Getting an allocated desk&workstation at campus

woohooo :D
excuse my newbieness ^^;;>
but since I have never really did a proper serious work in a formal institution, obtaining a workspace really felt something :D
as if....ummm.... I dunno... like, wow, I'm working now! *duh!*xD

- New form of relationship with my professors

Since now the position is that I am a doctorate student who is working with them, my prof. insisted for me to call them by first names. Without any "Professor" adressing.
This is sooooooooooooooo hard for me >_< so far I havnt succeeded in doing so >.>

- more self motivation needed >_<

Umm, yea, so I have to do some courses as well as keep on doing the research for my PhD.
The thing is, now it isnt just that the class is smaller; I dont know anyone, everyone will just attend the class and speaks nothing, then go back to their own places.
I'm still used with my master degree experience, where I will have a group of students with the same set of courses, who will be with me through all those classes. So, now, I have soooo less motivation to go to my classes >_<
And the research, now basically aside the courses, I just need to go to campus when I have an appointment with my prof to report my research progress. Other than that...I can even spend the whole day lazying around at home ;P and...its so ohhh tempting >_<

3. I play XDO now ;P

The great news is habs and linds r playing there too!! yayayayyy!
And....gasp....finally after all this year beggings *exaggerating mode*
my bf plays it too! :') aww, I so love him <333

Uhmmm....I think that's all so far :D
More updates in the next post if I remember one ;P
*disclaimer: this post was written without any double recheck for spellings and grammar, so pardon moi ;P*

Im so dependent >_<

2007-12-11T10:39:00.000+01:00

Got this link from a friend:
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
My result (I forgot to copy the HTML code, o well):

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Low
Schizoid: Low
Schizotypal: Low
Antisocial: Low
Borderline: Low
Histrionic: High
Narcissistic: Moderate
Avoidant: Low
Dependent: High
Obsessive-Compulsive: Moderate

The dependent one, sadly, i have to admit, seems might be true T_T

Dependent:
Dependent personality disorder is characterized by a need to be taken care of. People with this disorder tend to cling to people and fear losing them. They may become suicidal when a break-up is imminent. They tend to let others make important decisions for them and often jump from relationship to relationship. Dependents often remain in abusive relationships. Over-sensitivity to disapproval is common. Dependents often feel helpless and depressed.

Symptoms of Dependent Personality Disorder:
* Difficulty making decisions
* Feelings of helplessness when alone
* Suicidal thoughts upon rejection
* Submissiveness
* Deeply hurt by mild criticism or disapproval
* Unable to meet ordinary demands of life

Wahhhh >_<
well at least I disagree on the last point >.>

I refuse to admit abt the histrionic though, that's such a drama queen disorder xD

Histrionic:
People with histrionic personality disorder are constant attention seekers. They need to be the center of attention all the time, often interrupting others in order to dominate the conversation. They use grandiose language to discribe everyday events and seek constant praise. They may dress provacatively or exaggerate illnesses in order to gain attention. Histrionics also tend to exaggerate friendships and relationships, believing that everyone loves them. They are often manipulative.

Symptoms of Histrionic Personality Disorder:
* Needs to be the center of attention
* Dresses or acts provocatively
* Rapidly-shifting and shallow emotions
* Exaggerates friendships
* Overly-dramatic, occassionally theatrical speech
* easily influenced; highly suggestible

I only admit having the last symptom >.>
im not like that, right?right? >_<

i miss home

2007-10-28T03:51:00.000+01:00

i was just listening to the song from anggun, kembali, when i suddenly started crying and sobbing uncontrollably...
i wasnt really thinking..
i was in the midle of working for my thesis
next thing i know i feel choked by my own tears
and i didnt even cry on Idul Fitri...
i thought im just okbe
that im strong enough to stay more years here before coming home

I guess the sadness finally just catched up with me..
i miss home

me today >.<

2007-10-22T18:28:00.000+02:00

Woohoo, I'm a 53% geek ;D

2007-10-08T23:16:00.000+02:00

53%

I'm happy mainly because 53 is a great number for me xD

2007-09-24T00:46:00.001+02:00

You Are 52% Feminine, 48% Masculine

You are in touch with both your feminine and masculine sides.
You're sensitive at the right times, but you don't let your emotions overwhelm you.
You're not a eunuch, just the best of both genders.

Are You Masculine or Feminine?

Hahahaha, darn! Habsqi is more feminine than me! xD

A meaningful life

2007-09-20T11:37:00.000+02:00

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07262/818671-85.stm

very strong and positive.... i wish i could be like that...

another earthquake >.<

2007-09-12T16:04:00.001+02:00

I feel like cryiiiinggg >.<
and its the first of ramadhan....

awwwwww, poor kitteeeehhh >.<

2007-09-08T21:47:00.000+02:00

I cant help crai-ing too >.< poor kittehhhhh, lemme buy u some chizzburger here

It's my life

2007-09-04T00:48:00.001+02:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.8
Mind:	7.6
Body:	8.4
Spirit:	8.3
Friends/Family:	6.5
Love:	8.5
Finance:	7.3
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Yayyy! <3 And they said :
"Your Life score is very high, much higher than the average. "
Well, I dunno whether thats just a standard comment given to everyone or not. Yet, I know, I'm happy to hear that and I am indeed happy with my life ;D Praise be to God, Alhamdulillah =]
The link was gotten from habsqiban ;)

New found light

2007-09-03T18:12:00.000+02:00

I've loved santana's album supernatural since long long time ago. It's an album I dearly played over and over again. And I thoroughly enjoyed every song in the album. But, just recently I fell in love again to one of the song there. Put your lights on. By Santana featuring Everlast.

The song is still the same song that I've loved before, but I just found out about the lyrics. Have a look at them :

Hey now, all you sinners
Put your lights on,
put your lights on
Hey now, all you lovers
Put your lights on,
put your lights on

Hey now, all you killers
Put your lights on,
put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on you better
leave your lights on

Because there's a monster living
under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel with a hand on
my head
She says I've got
nothing to fear

There's a darkness deep
in my soul
I still got a purpose to serve
So let your light shine,
into my home
God don't let me lose my
nerve
Lose my nerve

Hey now, hey now,
hey now, hey now
Wo-oh hey now, hey now,
hey now, hey now

Hey now all you sinners
Put your lights on,
put your lights on
Hey now, all you children
Leave your lights on you
better leave your lights on

Because there's a monster
living under my bed
Whispering in my ear
There's an angel with a
hand on my head
She says I've got
nothing to fear
She says,
Laa ilaa haa IlAllah, you shine like stars
Laa ilaa haa Ilallah, you shine like stars
And fade away

(Taken from Song meaning completed with a comment from Ipul in the same page)

I just found out that Everlast is a moslem. From that comment of Ipul that he is a moslem and that's why the lyrics contain the syahadah. I didn't believe it at the first time. And this ipul name really sounds like an Indonesian :D My bf even went on to say its a fake.

So, I listened to the song. And, yes, indeed, you can hear the syahadah there in the last parts of the song. Now, that really brings new meaning to the song for me.

I'm surprised in how could I have missed it, considering I remember there were the complete lyrics of the songs supplied in the Supernatural album cassette cover. And I sang all of them nonstop from time to time. Was the lyrics of this particular song unwritten there? I can't wait to go back to Indonesia to check my cassette album cover for the lyrics.

But, anyway, now after this finding I re-found that this song lyrics have a very deep meaning. It really carries the spirit of light in Islam religion. I'm touched. Thumbs up for Everlast.

A bit abt Everlast, turns out he was in the House of Pain earlier. Yayy, I knew that Jump Around is really a great song! ;D And he is indeed a practicing moslem it seems, check out his myspace

Respekt!!

He definitely just got a new fan now <3