Missing my religion

I feel so empty lately,
having no motivation,
constantly questioning my life and my existence.
Lying awake before sleeping, I noticed how I have been just dragging myself along,
from morning to morning,
from one deadline to the other,
fixing this, debugging that, coding this, implementing that..
get home, fix dinner, super tired, go sleep,
wake up.. repeat all...

I was blaming it on my PMS
I was blaming it on my 3 years dwelling in this very same problem of my research
I was blaming it on my deadlines
I was blaming it on my homesick, not going home for so long

Then I got reminded today,

A friend's brother passed away in his sleep,
solemnly and peacefully,
with no sickness or anything,
and with smiles on his face...

Subhanallah...

Will I get such a beautiful passing away later?

What have I been doing with my life?

I think I've made up my mind,
I wanna go home at Ramadhan, insya Allah,

I wanna be back in that religious atmosphere,
I want to pray my tarawih in mosques everyday without worrying missing the last bus,
I want to do my prayers along with my families,
peacefully at home without worrying my deadlines.
Insya Allah... amiin ya Robbal 'alamin