Back then, upon having nightmares, I used to wake up screaming calling my mom.
When I was young, that action would have successfully summonned my mom to come to my room and comfort me until I fall asleep again...
or granted me the permission to sleep in her room hahaha.
Then I grew up,
living in a dorm away from home for my high school and university.
The habit remained, though.
The resolution of nightmares would have still been waking up calling her.
But she couldn't hear me and come to me, of course.
So I'd have had to wait until it's morning before I went to the public phone (wartel? Is such thing still existing now with everyone having cellphones now in Indonesia?) to call her.
Then I moved further away, across the continents.
Yet I still remember waking up screaming "Ibuuuu" during my master degree years :D
Praise God for the technology as then I had already have my cellphone. So I would have texted her instead, and called her if I was lucky to have a calling card on hand.
Last night I had a horrible nightmare again...
But now all I had to do was rolling over to his side of the bed,
"J, J, J, I had a nightmare... I couldn't sleep",
nestled my head in the warmth of his side, holding his hand, and I'm all safe and golden.
ooo, my kuingkuing, how I love you =')
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Virtual footprints
I was checking on a web forum of a game that I used to play when I stumbled upon an old thread that got bumped up. It was an almost 2 years old thread.
A tribute to a deceased fellow gamer that everyone loved so dearly...
What was meant to be as a quick skimming and browsing session between work became something more then when the gamer's real name and education background rang a bell.
NTU engineering student, David.
It took only few milliseconds then to connect the dots between these two facts:
the infamous mysterious case of the death of an Indonesian student in Singapore and
this gamer of whom that thread was dedicated to.
I did read plenty of articles regarding the case back then. Of how there are plenty misinformation seem to happen, scenarios that didn't make any sense,...
I remembered how my impression of him was mostly what was painted by the media: he's a student in his last year, had a bit of problem with his study, a gamer, like to spend time in front of his PC...
But now, realizing he played the exact game I played, and reading his fellow gamers account of him in that thread... it seems so real now.
Everyone portrayed him as a cheerful, outgoing, helpful person. And I can see how that could indeed be the case in that game.
And reading through the long threads, where everyone described him very differently compared to all the media portrayal of him that I had read before,
painted an entirely different character of him in my head.
it's his virtual footprints...
no one in the thread seemed to have met him in real life.
But he touched their life just the same.
Everything happens online might be entirely unreal..
fake characters, fake stories,
but it's all real people behind all of those...
And when you did touch someone's heart.. it's not a virtual heart that you've left your impression on...
I wonder if I have left certain virtual footprints to my gaming fellow...
R.I.P for David Hartanto Widjaja
A tribute to a deceased fellow gamer that everyone loved so dearly...
What was meant to be as a quick skimming and browsing session between work became something more then when the gamer's real name and education background rang a bell.
NTU engineering student, David.
It took only few milliseconds then to connect the dots between these two facts:
the infamous mysterious case of the death of an Indonesian student in Singapore and
this gamer of whom that thread was dedicated to.
I did read plenty of articles regarding the case back then. Of how there are plenty misinformation seem to happen, scenarios that didn't make any sense,...
I remembered how my impression of him was mostly what was painted by the media: he's a student in his last year, had a bit of problem with his study, a gamer, like to spend time in front of his PC...
But now, realizing he played the exact game I played, and reading his fellow gamers account of him in that thread... it seems so real now.
Everyone portrayed him as a cheerful, outgoing, helpful person. And I can see how that could indeed be the case in that game.
And reading through the long threads, where everyone described him very differently compared to all the media portrayal of him that I had read before,
painted an entirely different character of him in my head.
it's his virtual footprints...
no one in the thread seemed to have met him in real life.
But he touched their life just the same.
Everything happens online might be entirely unreal..
fake characters, fake stories,
but it's all real people behind all of those...
And when you did touch someone's heart.. it's not a virtual heart that you've left your impression on...
I wonder if I have left certain virtual footprints to my gaming fellow...
R.I.P for David Hartanto Widjaja
Monday, January 24, 2011
wkwkwkwk...
So, I noticed that's the up-to-date style of expressing laugh in indonesian texts lately.
It just I can't help but reading it as wakwakwakwakwakwakwak (sounds like: quack quack quack quack quack quack ) with some duck mimicking expression xP
It just I can't help but reading it as wakwakwakwakwakwakwak (sounds like: quack quack quack quack quack quack ) with some duck mimicking expression xP
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Comparing Indonesia to Italy.
If Italy were your home instead of Indonesia you would...
spend 31.1 times more money on health care
use 10 times more electricity
make 6.6 times more money
consume 3.4 times more oil
have a 81.31% lesser chance af dying in infancy
have 56.59% fewer babies
live 9.28 years longer
experience 18.78% less of a class divide
be 100% more likely to have HIV/AIDS
have a 2.6% better chance at being employed
Comparing Indonesia to Italy.
gyahahaha, 100% chance in contracting AIDS? o_O
so......... I'd have had AIDS already now? o_o
spend 31.1 times more money on health care
use 10 times more electricity
make 6.6 times more money
consume 3.4 times more oil
have a 81.31% lesser chance af dying in infancy
have 56.59% fewer babies
live 9.28 years longer
experience 18.78% less of a class divide
be 100% more likely to have HIV/AIDS
have a 2.6% better chance at being employed
Comparing Indonesia to Italy.
gyahahaha, 100% chance in contracting AIDS? o_O
so......... I'd have had AIDS already now? o_o
Thursday, January 13, 2011
No news is good news
My mom believes in such saying.
And so.. usually I would never heard of anyone get sick or anything unless they have recovered. Then my mom would casually mention it during our weekly conversation..
"oh.. _someone_ was sick a bit back then.. but he/she is ok now."
Being away, and only relying on weekly contacts with home... that sometimes make me feel... excluded.
But then the reasoning my mom have for it has it's own merits too. As I'm such a worrywart (and I know my mom sure knows me better) a bit of bad news could indeed throw my daily routine to a mess.
But still... I think I deserve to know when there's something happen to my loved ones...
I guess I just don't know where am I standing with regards to that saying.
And so.. usually I would never heard of anyone get sick or anything unless they have recovered. Then my mom would casually mention it during our weekly conversation..
"oh.. _someone_ was sick a bit back then.. but he/she is ok now."
Being away, and only relying on weekly contacts with home... that sometimes make me feel... excluded.
But then the reasoning my mom have for it has it's own merits too. As I'm such a worrywart (and I know my mom sure knows me better) a bit of bad news could indeed throw my daily routine to a mess.
But still... I think I deserve to know when there's something happen to my loved ones...
I guess I just don't know where am I standing with regards to that saying.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Hugs and kisses
So, I seem to have the penchant for losing my stuffs somehow ^^;;>
Right after posting about my (unknowingly) lost winter gloves, just yesterday I managed to lose my wallet :D
After realizing that my wallet was nowhere to be found on the bus going home, I just went back to my campus and re-traced my route from the morning. Post office, campus, then the research center where I worked.
It was already late, and it's winter night, so it's all dark and cold and everyone mostly had gone back to their home. In my research center, the last place that I checked, I still couldn't find my wallet in my desk and working area. The office was empty except for one of my friend who always prefers work late and the cleaning ladies doing their job.
On my way out I asked one of the cleaning lady I passed if she might have seen my wallet somewhere. She responded no, then she called her friend, who also didn't see my wallet.
I have to say I did already expect it, was just trying to ask, since, well, there's nothing to lose anyway. So I just said it's ok and thanked them.
But then the lady proceeded to approach me...
and pat me in the head...
and hugged me...
and kissed my cheek...
comforting me
awwww =')
I honestly didn't expect that.
I was kinda taken aback actually that I guess I might have not hugged her back very well. Sorry >_<
But... it felt really nice to be hugged =')
And I'm very thankful to experience such affectionate display of empathy from a stranger with whom I usually only exchanged smiles as I passed by.
I guess that's Italy for you <3
Right after posting about my (unknowingly) lost winter gloves, just yesterday I managed to lose my wallet :D
After realizing that my wallet was nowhere to be found on the bus going home, I just went back to my campus and re-traced my route from the morning. Post office, campus, then the research center where I worked.
It was already late, and it's winter night, so it's all dark and cold and everyone mostly had gone back to their home. In my research center, the last place that I checked, I still couldn't find my wallet in my desk and working area. The office was empty except for one of my friend who always prefers work late and the cleaning ladies doing their job.
On my way out I asked one of the cleaning lady I passed if she might have seen my wallet somewhere. She responded no, then she called her friend, who also didn't see my wallet.
I have to say I did already expect it, was just trying to ask, since, well, there's nothing to lose anyway. So I just said it's ok and thanked them.
But then the lady proceeded to approach me...
and pat me in the head...
and hugged me...
and kissed my cheek...
comforting me
awwww =')
I honestly didn't expect that.
I was kinda taken aback actually that I guess I might have not hugged her back very well. Sorry >_<
But... it felt really nice to be hugged =')
And I'm very thankful to experience such affectionate display of empathy from a stranger with whom I usually only exchanged smiles as I passed by.
I guess that's Italy for you <3
Saturday, January 08, 2011
Kisah sepasang sarung tangan...
Alkisah pada suatu pagi yang dingin, hujan dan terburu-buru,
ketika ketinggalan bis beberapa detik saja berarti terlambat memenuhi janji saya menemui dosen,
maka berlarilah saya dengan kecepatan yang diusahakan meminimalkan kemungkinan terpeleset bekas salju bercampur hujan sambil tetap memaksimalkan peluang mencapai halte bis tepat waktu.
Pada kecepatan konstan lariku itulah tiba-tiba ekor mataku mendeteksi suatu berwarna hitam yang tersangkut di pagar trotoar jalan yang kulintasi.
Dan sampai saat ini saya masih mengagumi refleks motorik saya yang bertindak saat itu.
Sebelum otak saya bahkan sempat mengajukan salah satu dari pertanyaan 5W dan 1H mengenai benda yang dideteksi ekor mata saya itu, saya tiba-tiba telah memandangi benda hitam, basah, tebal, bergaris-garis itu yang sekarang telah berpindah ke tangan saya, di depan mata saya... sambil tetap berlari dengan kecepatan yang sama.
Dan... benda itu ternyata adalah...
sepasang sarung tangan saya :D
Ibu saya membelikan sarung tangan rajutan hitam tebal dengan garis abu-abu itu di pasar tanah abang tiga tahun lalu... dijual satu set dengan syal yang setelah dilipat dua tingginya sama dengan saya. Saya sangat menyukai syal dan sarung tangan itu. Selain karena memang itu satu-satunya syal tebal yg saya punya, juga karena warnanya match dengan jaket saya :D
Syalnya sedang saya pakai saat itu. Tapi saya mengenakan sarung tangan lain yang walau tidak matching tapi mampu melindungi tangan saya dari kejamnya hawa musim dingin. Saya terpaksa memakai sarung tangan lain itu selama beberapa hari terakhir karena saya tidak bisa menemukan sarung tangan saya yang satu set dengan syal tersebut.
Setelah sampai di halte dan saya lepas dari keterkejutan saya atas kesaktian gerak motorik saya barulah saya bisa berfikir....sekarang saya tahu sebabnya saya tidak dapat menemukan sarung tangan itu di rumah :D
dan saya hanya bisa berucap, Alhamdulillah.
Rupanya sarung tangan ini, Alhamdulillah, masih menjadi rezeki saya.
Dan.. menceloslah hati saya...
Subhanallah, Tuhanku yang Maha Pengasih, yang mengatur rezeki seluruh makhlukNya. Yang menjagakan sarung tangan saya sampai kembali pada tangan saya meskipun saya bahkan tidak menyadari saya sempat kehilangan benda tersebut beberapa hari pada tikungan jalan yang ramai.
Dan sontak saat itu saya malu hati...
Semenjak beberapa hari sebelumnya pikiran saya dirundung risau berkepanjangan memandangi hidup saya.
Ini adalah tahun terakhir saya kuliah, tahun terakhir saya dibiayai beasiswa, tahun terakhir saya bisa berlindung di balik tameng kemahasiswaan saya.
Sejauh masa perjalanan hidup saya ini, saya hanya tahu tentang sekolah. Dan Alhamdulillah sambil sekolah itu ternyata hidup dan sekolah saya ditanggung oleh
pihak-pihak di sekitar saya: pertama orang tua, kemudian pemberi beasiswa, dan universitas.
Memikirkan tahun terakhir saya ini, saya merisaukan apa yang mesti saya perbuat setelah lulus saya nanti. Saya seharusnya sudah dewasa... mampu berdiri sendiri. Tapi saya baru menyadari saya sama sekali tidak mempunyai bayangan apa yang harus saya lakukan untuk menyokong hidup saya.
Dan kengerian mengenai hal yang tak saya ketahui itu menghantui saya.
Risau saya berkepanjangan, tidur tak nyenyak, fikiran saya selalu penuh kekhawatiran saya tidak akan bisa hidup paska menjadi PhD.
Namun insiden kembalinya sarung tangan di pagi hari itu tiba-tiba menyadarkan saya...
Subhanallah, mengapa saya sampai lupa tentang Sang Pencipta yang telah mengatur rezeki bagi semua?
Pagi itu saya menemukan kedamaian...
Saya masih tidak tahu bagaimana hidup saya nanti setelah lulus.
Tapi sebagaimana Allah menjagakan sarung tangan yang Alhamdulillah masih menjadi rezeki saya itu untuk saya, insya Allah apabila saya tetap berusaha sebaik-baiknya melakukan apa yang saya bisa dengan niat di jalan-Nya, insya Allah saya mampu menjemput rezeki yang telah digariskan-Nya untuk saya.
ketika ketinggalan bis beberapa detik saja berarti terlambat memenuhi janji saya menemui dosen,
maka berlarilah saya dengan kecepatan yang diusahakan meminimalkan kemungkinan terpeleset bekas salju bercampur hujan sambil tetap memaksimalkan peluang mencapai halte bis tepat waktu.
Pada kecepatan konstan lariku itulah tiba-tiba ekor mataku mendeteksi suatu berwarna hitam yang tersangkut di pagar trotoar jalan yang kulintasi.
Dan sampai saat ini saya masih mengagumi refleks motorik saya yang bertindak saat itu.
Sebelum otak saya bahkan sempat mengajukan salah satu dari pertanyaan 5W dan 1H mengenai benda yang dideteksi ekor mata saya itu, saya tiba-tiba telah memandangi benda hitam, basah, tebal, bergaris-garis itu yang sekarang telah berpindah ke tangan saya, di depan mata saya... sambil tetap berlari dengan kecepatan yang sama.
Dan... benda itu ternyata adalah...
sepasang sarung tangan saya :D
Ibu saya membelikan sarung tangan rajutan hitam tebal dengan garis abu-abu itu di pasar tanah abang tiga tahun lalu... dijual satu set dengan syal yang setelah dilipat dua tingginya sama dengan saya. Saya sangat menyukai syal dan sarung tangan itu. Selain karena memang itu satu-satunya syal tebal yg saya punya, juga karena warnanya match dengan jaket saya :D
Syalnya sedang saya pakai saat itu. Tapi saya mengenakan sarung tangan lain yang walau tidak matching tapi mampu melindungi tangan saya dari kejamnya hawa musim dingin. Saya terpaksa memakai sarung tangan lain itu selama beberapa hari terakhir karena saya tidak bisa menemukan sarung tangan saya yang satu set dengan syal tersebut.
Setelah sampai di halte dan saya lepas dari keterkejutan saya atas kesaktian gerak motorik saya barulah saya bisa berfikir....sekarang saya tahu sebabnya saya tidak dapat menemukan sarung tangan itu di rumah :D
dan saya hanya bisa berucap, Alhamdulillah.
Rupanya sarung tangan ini, Alhamdulillah, masih menjadi rezeki saya.
Dan.. menceloslah hati saya...
Subhanallah, Tuhanku yang Maha Pengasih, yang mengatur rezeki seluruh makhlukNya. Yang menjagakan sarung tangan saya sampai kembali pada tangan saya meskipun saya bahkan tidak menyadari saya sempat kehilangan benda tersebut beberapa hari pada tikungan jalan yang ramai.
Dan sontak saat itu saya malu hati...
Semenjak beberapa hari sebelumnya pikiran saya dirundung risau berkepanjangan memandangi hidup saya.
Ini adalah tahun terakhir saya kuliah, tahun terakhir saya dibiayai beasiswa, tahun terakhir saya bisa berlindung di balik tameng kemahasiswaan saya.
Sejauh masa perjalanan hidup saya ini, saya hanya tahu tentang sekolah. Dan Alhamdulillah sambil sekolah itu ternyata hidup dan sekolah saya ditanggung oleh
pihak-pihak di sekitar saya: pertama orang tua, kemudian pemberi beasiswa, dan universitas.
Memikirkan tahun terakhir saya ini, saya merisaukan apa yang mesti saya perbuat setelah lulus saya nanti. Saya seharusnya sudah dewasa... mampu berdiri sendiri. Tapi saya baru menyadari saya sama sekali tidak mempunyai bayangan apa yang harus saya lakukan untuk menyokong hidup saya.
Dan kengerian mengenai hal yang tak saya ketahui itu menghantui saya.
Risau saya berkepanjangan, tidur tak nyenyak, fikiran saya selalu penuh kekhawatiran saya tidak akan bisa hidup paska menjadi PhD.
Namun insiden kembalinya sarung tangan di pagi hari itu tiba-tiba menyadarkan saya...
Subhanallah, mengapa saya sampai lupa tentang Sang Pencipta yang telah mengatur rezeki bagi semua?
Pagi itu saya menemukan kedamaian...
Saya masih tidak tahu bagaimana hidup saya nanti setelah lulus.
Tapi sebagaimana Allah menjagakan sarung tangan yang Alhamdulillah masih menjadi rezeki saya itu untuk saya, insya Allah apabila saya tetap berusaha sebaik-baiknya melakukan apa yang saya bisa dengan niat di jalan-Nya, insya Allah saya mampu menjemput rezeki yang telah digariskan-Nya untuk saya.
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